Hösten -04 fick jag diagnosen tvångssyndrom (OCD) och senare diagnosen aspergers syndrom i juni-06.

Det har tagit lång tid för mig att acceptera min asperger. Förmodligen pga att som min special pedagog säger: "Du är skenbart som alla andra." Jag har utan att riktigt vara medveten om det lärt mig strategier för att kunna hantera livet så bra som möjligt. Istället för att automatiskt handla på ett visst sätt, har jag "övat in" ett visst vedertaget beteende. Det är inget som går obemärkt förbi vad det gäller mitt dagliga liv. Fastän det inte syns på utsidan, så pågår en ständig ström av intensiv tankeverksamhet i min hjärna. Det är något som tar mycket energi! Att finna riktig lugn och ro från tankar och fundering- tja... det går faktiskt inte.

Att vid 31 års ålder (-06) få veta en sådan här stor sak om sin egen individ är ingen lätt sak. Det leder till många frågor... tankar om förfluten tid... Vem är jag? Det gav också ett viktigt svar på varför jag alltid känt mig annorlunda... anledningen till min ständiga karusell av tankar... -asperger.

In the fall of -04 I received the diagnosis Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and later in June -06 the diagnosis asperger's syndrom.

It's taken a long time to accept the fact that I've got asperger. Probably because of as my "social therapist" says: "You are seemingly like everyone else." Without even being aware of it I've learnt strategies in how to handle life in the best way possible. Instead of automatically acting in a certain way; I've "trained" to behave more in the common established way. This doesn't go by without affecting me in my daily life. Although it doesn't show on the outside, my brain is filled with a constant stream of intensive thinking. It is something that takes a lot of energy! To find peace and quiet away from thoughts and pondering- well… it's just impossible.

It's not easy to be informed about such a big thing about oneself at the age of 31 (-06). It leads to a lot of questions… thoughts about the past… Who am I? It also gave me an important answer as to why I've always felt different from others… the cause of this constantly ongoing merry-go-round of thoughts…-asperger.

This is a book I've read together with our son (then 9 years old).

It explains what Asperger's is in a way that's easy for anyone to understand, even children can read it.

Detta är en bok jag läst tillsammans med vår son (då 9 år gammal)

Den förklarar på ett enkelt sett vad Asperger är för något- lätt för alla att förstå, även barn kan läsa den.

-Det är bra att fråga... (Eng.It is good to ask)

Om Asperger syndrom och högfungerande autism

Gunilla Gerland

The first night at the respite 28/8-07

in the pool he was bathing

as the daylight was fading

I came to see my boy

using the right words was crucial to not destroy

first night sleeping at this place

had to make him find his way in this new space

he showered for the very first time in here and we sat down

played Nintendo games and of course I wrinkled my face in a frown

a mother not so good at this thing

jumping and flying- only to confusion bring

son had a good laugh at his poor mother

he was so cute smiling like no other

out on the computer looking at some new pics of my son playing basket ball

saying he wanted to say good night to his dad- making a call

viewing an Elvis music video on You Tube and taking a look at our website

it was all a big thing for him to sleep at the respite

he began to cry- saying he wanted to go back home again

I read him his social story and gave him a piece of paper and a pen

he drew and wrote down the things worrying his mind

I used the written word for him to leave the anxiety behind

he ate his snack and then Janne read him a book

then we went to bed and my hand he took

holding it all through the night

he woke up early before the morning light

around 4.50 he opened his eyes and gave me a big smile

to receive such a smile- for that I could run mile after mile

we went to the bathroom both of us to pee and then went back to bed

then sleep found its way back to us with the letter z

at 6.45 dad called to wake up his son and wife

we started with breakfast this new day in life

drove to pick up his sister and go to school

oh, my son- you are sooo COOL!

A mother's cry 28/7-07

I don't want to live no more

I am stupid

not like you and you

my sister does things I can't do

so many questions in my brain

I don't deserve to live

you don't love me

why do I have to be this stupid?

I'm not smart

if you have aspergers you are no good

give me a knife!

I want to kill myself!

I can't stand it anymore!

--------------------------------

tears kept pouring last night

my little boy filled with fright

ran out in front of cars

thought it would leave no scars

I told him I love him so much

tried to hold him and stroke him with a gentle touch

we talked about the cars and the danger of it all

he said he deserved to get injured and I felt so small

he acted out in horrible ways- yesterday- before this event

the anxiety building up at the zoo- nothing could prevent

it all went pretty fine

until now- when his mind drew the line

---------------------------------

why won't they listen to a family in need?

a little while longer and we will all fall apart at this speed

you talk and you tell them everything

still they leave your heart with nothing but a sting

today I wrote a letter

in crying hope to make life better

the Swedish autism organization

please help us in this unbearable situation!

---------------------------------

I love my son and I try to explain

to have aspergers doesn't mean you're insane

my boy you know so much about so much

about cars, stamps, history, countries and such

aspergers- is to live with a different kind of brain

in an environment with social rules- it causes pain

you are smart my boy- that I know

having aspergers- is often whispering of a high IQ

I will see to it my son... that you get the help you need!

Dikter skrivna av vår son

Frimärken är fina.

Frimärken är vackra.

Frimärken kan ha många olika färger.

Frimärken har jag.

Frimärken i stora högar.

Mamma

Min mamma är världens bästa mamma.

Min mamma är ett datafreak.

Min mamma är snäll.

Min mamma förklarar för mig.

Min mamma är fin.

Min mamma är världens bästa mamma.

Våren 2007

Vintern

Vintern är härlig

Vintern är fin

Vintern är rolig

Vintern är härlig

Diagnoskriterier för Asperger syndrom (DSM-IV)

A. Kvalitativt nedsatt förmåga till social interaktion, vilket visar sig på minst två av följande sätt:

påtagligt bristande förmåga att använda varierade ickeverbala beteenden såsom ögonkontakt, ansiktsuttryck, kroppshållning och gester som ett led i den sociala interaktionen

oförmåga att etablera kamratrelationer som är adekvata för utvecklingsnivån

brist på spontan vilja att dela glädje, intressen eller aktiviteter med andra (t ex visar inte, tar inte med sig eller uppmärksammar inte andra på sådant som är av intresse)

brist på social eller emotionell ömsesidighet

B. Begränsade, repetitiva och stereotypa mönster i beteende, intressen och aktiviteter vilket tar sig minst ett av följande uttryck:

omfattande fixering vid ett eller flera sterotypa och begränsade intressen som är abnorma i intensitet eller fokusering

oflexibel fixering vid specifika, oändamålsenliga rutiner eller ritualer

sterotypa och upprepade motoriska maner (tex vifta eller vrida händerna eller fingrarna, komplicerade rörelser med hela kroppen)

enträgen fascination inför delar av saker

C. Störningen orsakar kliniskt signifikant nedsättning avfunktionsförmågan i arbete, socialt eller i andra viktiga avseenden.

D. Ingen kliniskt signifikant försening av den allmänna språkutvecklingen

(t ex enstaka ord vid två års ålder, kommunikativa fraser vid tre års ålder).

E. Ingen kliniskt signifikant försening av den kognitiva utvecklingen eller i utvecklingen av åldersadekvata vardagliga färdigheter, adaptivt beteende (utöver social interaktion) och nyfikenhet på omgivningen i barndomen.

F. Kriterierna för någon annan specifik genomgripande störning i utvecklingen eller för schizofreni är inte uppfyllda.

http://www.certec.lth.se/lectures/gunillag/asperger.html

Diagnostic Criteria for Asperger's Disorder

(I) Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:

(A) marked impairments in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body posture, and gestures to regulate social interaction

(B) failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level

(C) a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interest or achievements with other people, (e.g.. by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people)

(D) lack of social or emotional reciprocity

(II) Restricted repetitive & stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests and activities, as manifested by at least one of the following:

(A) encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereotyped and restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity or focus

(B) apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines or rituals

(C) stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (e.g. hand or finger flapping or twisting, or complex whole-body movements)

(D) persistent preoccupation with parts of objects

(III) The disturbance causes clinically significant impairments in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

(IV) There is no clinically significant general delay in language (E.G. single words used by age 2 years, communicative phrases used by age 3 years)

(V) There is no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or in the development of age-appropriate self help skills, adaptive behavior (other than in social interaction) and curiosity about the environment in childhood.

(VI) Criteria are not met for another specific Pervasive Developmental Disorder or Schizophrenia."

http://ani.autistics.org/dsm4-aspergers.html

A long time ago, in 1944, there lived a scientist in Austria called Hans Asperger.

Hans asperger spent many years studying all kinds of people and the ways in which we are all different, and he discovered a group of people who in some ways are very special. He found that these people were often very clever, with very good memories. They could also be very loving, friendly and caring people, and they often got very, very interested in one particular subject for a long time - sometimes so much that you could even say they were obsessed with it!

He also noticed that these special people sometimes had difficulty in understanding things - like why certain things happened, or understanding the things that other people said or did, and sometimes they felt embarrassed about their feelings, or very worried or cross about things, and also that they found certain things very frightening. And sometimes, because they were worried about something, it made them behave in a way which they couldn't`t explain to other people.

Hans Asperger did a lot of work with these people, and he discovered that because there were some things they did`t understand as well as other people, they needed some extra help to learn these things. But, because they were very clever people, with good memories, they were very good at learning these things, and some of them grew up to be very good musicians, writers, artists or scientists, even though they still didn`t understand everything about other people, and sometimes got cross at things that didn`t seem right to them.

There are lots of people like this in the world, and we think of them as Mr. Aspergers special people. Of course everybody is special in their own way, but it`s a way of describing a person who is very clever and caring, but just needs a little extra help and understanding while they learn all the strange and confusing things about life and our world.

Written by a Mother to help explain Aspergers to her 9 yr old Son.

http://paains.org.uk/related/storyof.htm

All Cats Have Asperger Syndrome

Kathy Hoopman

Takes a playful look at Asperger Syndrome (AS), drawing inspiration from the feline world in a way that will strike a chord with all those who are familiar with AS. Delightful colour photographs of cats bring to life familiar characteristics such as sensitive hearing, scampering at the first sign of being stroked, and particular eating habits. Touching, humorous and insightful, this book evokes the difficulties and joys of raising a child who is different and leaves the reader with a sense of the dignity, individuality, and potential of people with AS.