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The tree

Want to be strong as the tree

in the gentle wind feel free

leaves hanging there up in the sky

rain is its only cry

with roots standing so tall

endures it all

the storm yes, every hard weather

it keeps itself together

The tree older than any man

I am its true fan

Pieces

pieces, pieces to collect

building a puzzle

cannot see the picture to be

eyes starring, no pattern

pieces, pieces to fit together

cannot lift them up

my fingers are numb

pieces, pieces all in darkest black

no shadows no marks

no image to be seen

pieces, pieces yet no way

to put them together

left in confusion

I give up

Together as one

Come closer

do not be afraid

open your heart

feel free to say the words unspoken

my ears are for you

let your mind get some peace

I will walk beside you

help you carry the weight

together as one

we will walk steady on the path of life

giving each other energy

when we feel like the spark is forever gone

I am here for you

you are here for me

together we are stronger than any furious storm

keep your hand in mine and I will never let go

New day

woke up to this new day

eyes hurting, sore, too much crying

dizzy, weak, numb

new day, will you bring me more hours of misery?

then I will not greet you!

keep away from me!

new day- your minutes have been counted

I will not feel them, they are not for me!

new day- feel no pride, being here!

you are not so special, not so new!

I have met you before

and I still do not want you around

no, you are not for me!

My beloved son

so little so small

feeling it all

lost and searching

in the jungle of words

confused- just looking

anxiety growing

sadness showing

feeling so lost

to what cost

a boy in the fog

feeling smaller than small

he is my son

my beloved fruit

I feel his heart

it's beating like mine

I see the look on his face

telling me to be his guide

his eyes in deepest blue

the mirror of his mind

not easy my boy

but trust me

I am your mom

I love you

all of you

The invisible one

screaming

crying

why

to be seen by others

to feel love

in the shadow of her brother

my little girl- I see you

I promise

I love you, my sweet doll

I know you're hurting

in need to be heard

need to be held

I know you

I feel your feelings

I love your smile

glowing like a sunbeam

mom adores you

I see you

Snow

In the time of winter

white glittering flakes falling down so gently

from the winter sky

Whiteness covering grass, every stone

soft so soft nature's bed-quilt

Eyes stunned by the brightness

beauty of it all

Stars in the darkest hour

snow on the surface of Earth

a composition mighty like few

See ME

this feeling stuck inside

now I will to you confide

I'm just a wanderer on this Earth

been invisible ever since my birth

see me with your eyes

to get the picture- which in there lies

x-ray can not find more than the human eye

so look carefully - please try

I want to let you know

let your knowledge about me grow

because I love you so

so please don't ever let go

keep my hand in yours

walk beside me on the sea shores

to see the sun rising in the morning

the waters to feel this yellow globe- warming

walk with me all day long

sing to me your song

when the darkness come rolling in from up above

keep me safe with your deep love

two pair of eyes to greet the peaceful black

until the bright light is slowly coming back

Chances put at zero

freezing empty

time flies

left behind in the cold

tears frozen eyes in pain

footsteps leaving no trace

temperature falling

heart is calling

mayday

slowly breathing

air in stiff lungs

how much longer

when is the time

numbness coming

feel no more

snow keep falling

covering up

rescue lost in blizzard rough

searching looking

listening

flash lights playing

no more

nothing

gone

zero

Stuck

You speak to me

I listen to your words

my mind starts to spin

what did that mean?

why those words?

am I a fool

to believe in the words spoken?

questions

thoughts

standing in line

to join

the merry-go-round of my mind

destructive thoughts

in a million angles

I am stuck

in the quicksand of disbelief

Good night, World!

time to sleep

not to weep

tomorrow will be a good day

at least so they say

so Good night you all out there

pick up that silly nightcap to wear

soon the sun will arrive to show it's light

yet a new day to continue this fight

Good night, World!

Over and out!

Sweet Fruit

oh how sweet isn't the fruit of forgiveness

how soft like cotton around your heart

how will love grow in this world without forgiveness

human beings walking around breathing the same air

drinking the same water

the same sun shining on us all

who am I to judge you?

who are you to judge me?

yes we hurt each other

yes we fail to understand each other

yes we make mistakes

the sweet fruit of forgiveness

ought to be given with a gentle hand

to be eaten by those in remorse

peace- the bond to keep humans united

Unmerciful feelings

Made of cement and steel,

uninvited rules my mind

So heavy and hard to handle

Cannot throw them away

So tired, so weak

No power, to seek

Empty

Feelings with sharp claws

hooked in my brain

making a huge bloody stain

Long for joy and happiness

instead of this dreadful mess

Walking on the bottom of the ocean

no air, in my lungs

Need to get up to the surface

See the sun shining so bright

The soft clouds caressing my mind

Crying Laughter

the crash is near

I can sense the fear

crying laughter

what am I after

tears are pushing to get out

don't know what it's all about

this weird feeling

far from healing

who am I

need to be my own spy

find what lies inside

maybe learn to feel some pride

head is hanging heavy from my neck

I feel like a living dead wreck

hold your arms around me close

if you only knew how I need those

keep me safe from harm

under your caring arm

crying laughter

what are you after

The end of the rope

trying to hang on to faith

arms in tremendous cramp

cause the time has gone by

year after year

week after week

day after day

hour after hour

still not managed to reach the top

this tree too huge to climb

to much wind is trying to knock me down

raindrops keep falling, from the rising of the sun

until the deep orange sunset in the late afternoon

a circle going around around

never to stop

the rope is wet getting terribly difficult to hold on to

can see myself falling down to the merciless soil

but I know pain- how much more could I suffer

please take my hand, lift me up

let me cry in your arms, out off danger

on a strong thick branch, with you

to rest my tired eyes on the magnificent view

my power my energy, slipping away

so please, rescue me

I'm at the end of the rope

The Tongue

Kiss the love of your life

Taste a juicy fruit

Speak words of love

The Tongue

little but yet so huge

can make a heart beat faster

can also cut deep as a sword

The Tongue

treasure this tiny muscle

feel it touching your teeth

it will obey you

only you

The Tongue

use it to do good

don't let it out in the open

when rage is its only language

let it form beautiful words

The Tongue

a gift from our creator

The Human body

blood in roads of veins

water holding life in its sea

nerves reacting, feeling

sending impulses to the boss

spinal cord getting its share too

muscles big as well as tiny- working for us

spine holding us up to let us walk

a list as long as the eternity

it would take to describe our body

so let us treasure it with our lives

knowing that we have been formed

by a loving creator

nothing but a single dot

you do not see me

you never notice me

you step on me

for I am just a little dot

this dot has reached the end

of the sentence

did you see the dot

before the sentence after

no- just kept on reading

cause I am just a tiny dot

One moment in time

had to let go

caught by time

unwillingly walking away

ending- bitter sweet

joy pleasure- to keep in mind

one moment transforming into a glorious memory

one moment to treasure for life

one moment- now- then- gone

boom like a balloon, air disappearing into the blue

air never to be filling that balloon ever again

a balloon- so fragile but yet so powerful

its weakness can be seen- laying there on the ground

empty useless- a former shell to harbour strength

the human camera can yet still recall its mighty flight

so light- but yet so hard- filled with human breathing

drawn on the surface of the retina- never to be erased

Springtime

the sun is back to greet our day

birds in every tree

listen and hear their joyful singing

sky is blue as the ocean deep

snow is melting into water

soil is drinking with eager

flowers appear from within

faded grey turns into glowing colours

spring is time for waking up

lift up your heart from sleeping

put I smile on your face

feel how nature is growing

blooming with steady steps

let it give you some of its strength

to carry on living

to stand tall like the flowers

in springtime

The place

darkness

thick as grease

stumbling around

searching

agony twisting my heart

black clouds above

dark brown soil

heavy corners of my mouth

high pressure in my eye socket

salty water held back

breathless lungs

let me leave this place

Victorious

Nordic winds keep coming in

to chill my heart within

freezing my veins so fast

how long will this pain last

tears rolling down my cheek

oh, I feel so weak

come ease this hurt of mine

make me feel just fine

life is oh so confusing

seems like I'm always losing

I will yet fight this mean game

to let misery go in shame

Keep going

talk is silver

silence is golden

when times are rough

feels like you've had enough

look inside to find your peace

make it happen- release

some things you can not change

they are just simply out of range

keep your mind sane

erase every dark stain

see the light on your road

put down that heavy load

leave the past behind

new treasures you will find

The bird's nest

High up in an old oak tree

the bird has to create a home

much effort it will take for you, little bird

it has to be solid and strong

not to be caught by the rage of wind

secure and warm without any heating

stuff it well little bird

because the cold air

will soon enter the sky

one room will carry life

of more than one little bird

eggs, to hide tiny baby birds in its shells

please, make your nest a safe place

when the sun arrives

carrying spring in its beams

us humans will listen to your crescendo of tones

feeling reborn after the cold dark winter

Danger

A sign up ahead

in sharpest red

letters forming this word

sirens can be heard

too far away to see

hmm which word could that be

driving closer- eyes starring

hmm what is that man wearing

oh it's the member of a rescue team

someone must have fell into that furious stream

DANGER- the word becomes so clear to me

a person stuck in the car struggling to get free

the seat belt will not let go

the car is filling up with water OH,NO!

makes you think further than before

trying to stay alive he's fighting more and more

life is fragile- can so easily run through our fingers

memories of those not with us anymore still lingers

please let us value the life- received in our hand

even if we don't like the label and the brand

because it's a gift to hold on to

both for me and for you

Listen

can you here it whispering your name

can you feel it touching your hair

the soft warm summer breeze

taking you for a slow ride

close your eyes and see inside your mind

children laughing

birds singing in the light blue sky

grass so soft under your feet

you're breathing the air of life

seize the moment

fill your heart with peace

harmony for a soul in need

The Indian

he picked up that well structured feather

combined it with this little piece of smooth leather

two items that meant a lot to his pride

because he knew to hold nature inside

women and children needed it to grow

to eatable herbs, berries and seeds to their eyes show

the men were brave riding on horses to find

some preys to hunt- stomachs to stay kind

buffaloes... this mighty view to one's eye

the treasure for which they would spy

to feed the tribe- young and old

they had to return with meat to hold

the people of nature keep them in mind

a certain way of living they did indeed find

Breathing oooooooooout

used words so many

I wish I could for each one get a penny

then I would be rich

unfortunately still in this deep ditch

he really listened yes understood

made it easy not to hide under that hood

his words of compassion- his calm way

that combination made me feel less astray

I am tired

but more inspired

this fight is not over yet

I still have to sweat

in this life I am only an untrained beginner

in time I will walk my head held high- as the winner

The Secret

it is there hidden inside

where it will continue to hide

want to shout it out so loud

no way- I can not reveal it to the crowd!

kept inside for a long time

well it is not a crime

but it is heavy enough to carry around

trying to force my knees to the ground

the secret is to be forever locked behind door and key

it can never ever be let out to be free

Think

the night is dark

far away in the distance you hear a dog bark

shivering in the cold humid air you walk with stiff feet

it is wintertime- snow covering the street

all you want to is to get in to that fire place

sit down on a chair by the table to say grace

eat that warm potatoes with sauce and meat

your stomach makes a sound of contempt- the food to greet

you have a house... you have a home... food… clothes… heating- yes

that guy sitting there outside on a news-paper rubbing his hands- his life is a mess

think... yes think...

all he has is what is in that bottle... to drink

be satisfied with what you've got

others they have nothing... no, they have not.

Never good enough

you make me feel so bad

yes my heart so sad

I hurt so much

don't you know how your words touch

touch inside my fragile soul

makes it even harder to reach that goal

I want to feel the wind in my hair

feel free- but life is not fair

can't you see I'm trying

although my whole body is crying

when will you tell me- I love you

not to make me feel so blue

I need you to care

because this pain is so heavy to bear

am I a complete failure in life

should I maybe make friends with that knife

I feel so small

time after time I fall

please show me mercy please

I only want peace

I hunger for your words of compassion

starving in need for a huge ration

why am I the one forced to silence

my heart enduring this cruel emotional violence

Looking down on me

sadness inside my chest

when I lay my body down to rest

who am I to you

yes you

am I a sad figure made of air

what is it you want me to declare

that you're the one so much better than me

the one in first position to see

to look down on me when I'm falling

never to lend me your hand when I'm calling

Dying inside

sad

mad

lost

crying

tears many as raindrops falling

I can no longer hear you calling

heavy chain around my neck

nothing more than a wreck

I hate me

can't you see

been going on for too long

impossible to sing a joyful song

on the ground... dirty... cold

been once and for all sold

to the screams... tears... weirdness of it all

don't want to continue to crawl

Learn how to fly

my little darling... please don't cry

soon your wings will get ready to fly

I know... your friends are flying up in the light air

I feel your sadness- my sweet baby bird

mama loves you more than you'll ever know

to fly is fun- but there are things more important

you need to grow... to learn the outside world

the map I will give to you- my sweet little girl

soon enough your wings will get eager to move

to be riding the winds above in that clear blue sky

Go to bed, OCD!

aha...

you are already awake

you fake!

why couldn't you stay in bed

suffocate yourself with that pillow instead

I don't want you to be a guest inside my brain

to leave all your thoughts making a huge stain

you have not been invited- so just go!

this is not your show!

I close my eyes- open them... you are still there

leave me be- you are only a burden to bear

go to bed, OCD!!!!

yes, you heard me!

I will not give in

to see you with that silly grin

go to bed!!!

wish you were dead!

Expiring flame

dying fire

nothing to really inspire

no air to feed the flame

a place without oxygen is my claim

orange colour only to puff

because it leads a life so rough

fire gasping for air

soon this ordeal will be too much to bear

smother it just a tiny bit longer

never to be able to get stronger

only grey ashes left of these coals once black

fire forever gone never to come back

The Flower

can you see that flower standing there in all its beauty

it does not know much about this world

with sparkling colours to calm our eyes

proudly presenting a scene with glorious power

one single flower... glowing like the sun itself

wonderful as the only one... even more amazing in the company of others

surrounded by friends drinking The Water of Life from Mother Earth

together they create a pattern amongst the deep green grass

growing so tight beside one another

to keep standing tall- even in the rough wind

the flowers are you and me

so valuable each and everyone of us

together we are strong

building a texture out of feelings...

thoughts...

hopes...

colours- magnificent, to The Eye of The Heart

come let us drink together

to wet our dry throats

This is the day

today

is a new fresh day

with hours never used before

no second hand seconds

unknown things can happen any time

just wait and see- a bright surprise might arrive

you never know what this day will bring to you

an unwritten chapter in this life of yours

too tired- don't want to get up

too sad- want to stay in bed

what if this is the day

the day to laugh

the day when tears are dry

this is the day

to feel hope

U-turn

bright light

up for the fight

smiling face

life embrace

lighter walk

happier talk

BOOM

square one

no more fun

eyes sad

feeling bad

gasping for air

so unfair

blood is freezing

pain is teasing

sunshine on my back

legs walking on a wrong- way- track

Forgive me

my words of love- I give to you

in pain we try to endure

this life in so much hurt

confused, walking side by side

please, let us hide no more

you are my safety

you are my man

you stick by me day by day

been looking too far away

I am sorry

did not see the love in you

your mouth did never open

the key of love

made you talk

how grateful I am

to you my man

for the love you hold inside, for little me

now I see your heart

hand in hand we will ride this storm

today, tomorrow, every day yet to come

forgive me my love

I am yours

The right receiver

I gave you a flower

you knew it was fragile

it was there on your palm

you closed your hand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that flower

worth nothing in your eyes

I wish I never gave it to you

you were not the right receiver

but tell me

how can you ever know for certain

who to give your flower to?

Black

the colour black

I carry around on my back

don't wanna sleep

only wish I could weep

my eye in pain

but I should not complain

there are those in misery worse than mine

I will put on that mask- everything is just fine

the truth is- I'm scared to the very marrow of my bones

to carry black, is the same as carrying heavy stones

Your eyes

eyes so sad

showing

revealing

tears

eyes

your eyes

are my eyes too

your eyes

reflecting in mine

your tears are my tears

close your eyes

rest a while

feel calm

feel safe

open your eyes

I will still be here

Faked smile

why laugh

when you only feel half

because it's good

that I've understood

but it's so hard

to pick the right card

not easy to force a smile to come

when you can't see the light from the sun

to pretend is maybe not the end

makes it easier to come through the bend

or does it really

tell me sincerely

when you laugh out loud

do you feel like you're walking upon a cloud

or does your mind tell you that it's fake

this huge smile you're trying to make

I know I'm thinking too much

caught once again by this merciless clutch

A fool once again

words are soundless

voice is silent

why is that?

have I done wrong?

want to listen

but all is kept in silence

not spoken to my ear

am I not the one for you?

maybe there's another

you're waiting for

am I just a comfort

when no one is there?

I don't want a part of such game!

been there before

it's pure pain!

using my heart

is that what you're up to?

if it is I'm gone!

hurt before

hurt today

not tomorrow!

The light

new day is dawning

I'm sitting here yawning

want to go back to bed

will this day on me any light shed

I sure hope so- you know

in need of that certain glow

lost on this travelling road

crawling because of this heavy load

try to lift myself up on legs unsteady

when will they ever be ready

to take steps in the right direction

to greet the morning lights reflection

shining through my window so bright

absolutely worth one more fight

Fading

always try to be nice

is it worth the price

when kind is not enough

life is unfairly rough

good, wanted- for some time

then, gone is all the chime

useless

in a mess

left alone in distress

everyone wants you to confess

yes I am the guilty one

to feel no dignity, under this sun

because when you have eaten up what is inside of me

you take off to another flower like a bee

this flower is dying

nothing left for any bee flying

time has gone by

many times been told nothing but a lie

let this flower rest in fading colour dry

nothing more to give because it is about to die

Strange days

puzzled

heart in joy

yes- joy

mind is sleeping-

then again- not

lost in thoughts

vision blurry

what is going on?

I don't know

do you?

Sorry

nothing left to give

do not want to live

in this thick sticky black oil

crawling around in dirt and soil

covered with darkness and dust

in need to readjust

this life in emptiness

not good at playing this game of chess

strategies are to no use

because all I do is lose

I love you, yes you and you each day

I'm sorry but this pot made of fragile clay

is no longer a good supporter in this play

hollow is my name

fading flame

Reach the light- when

can't find my way back

all I seem to be is stuck

in this valley of grey- mud up to my knees

nowhere to go to find release

how did I end up here

when is the time to erase all fear

my silent screams- no echo - not a sound

here I am wet and cold on the ground

beaten by others... beaten by myself

if only I could reach that shelf

then I would be on my way

no longer here to stay

climb higher and higher towards the light

to finally see an end to this fight

Unknown language

blood is running through every vein

filling your body with life

rain is coming down from heavy clouds

watering the earth with refreshing drops

you speak a language I need to learn

caught in misery in fight for survival

never got used to the words of love

feel a calmness floating into this body of mine

scary but wonderful at the very same time

teach me to receive this language new to my mind

I am willing to learn day by day

this language with words covering my very soul

I want to know the secret of it all

to find ways to believe in the feeling of love

blood is running through every vein

we should not complain

rain is watering the ground on which we are walking

let it rain- doesn't matter if we get wet from head to toe

because rain... is the life of earth

blood rain love

LIFE

You ask me... Why?!

why I am listening to you?

because you are YOU

I see what lives inside of you

what else is there for me to do?

turn my back on someone in need?

no, that's not me

as long as I possibly can

it is my wish to be there for you

though my heart and mind is hurting

I can not see to only me

my eyes wide open

my ears ready to receive the sound of your voice

I know I should listen more to me

but listening to you is all I know

to help you see your beautiful mind and lovable heart

makes me feel meaningful

if I can make just one person feel a tiny bit better

it warms my heart

I need you to need me

my heart is in hunger for love

so please invite me to your heart

Travellers

maybe I'm just a fake

in life a huge mistake

who ever I am for real

is really no big deal

the centre of it all

is that I might be small

but small can be big, when it comes to love

this is who I am- everything else above

carrier of loving feelings towards you

tells you more about me, than my life untrue

take me with you on this travelling road

I will try not to be a heavy load

only want some company on this journey so long

together- we could make each other strong

this invitation goes out to you today

then if you join- please forever stay

Love is

Love is

a healer

a friend

a lover

Love is

longing

trust

hope

Love is

a wish

a treasure

a song

Love is

touching

warm

soft

Love is

a light

a gift

a strength

Love is

life

comfort

enduring

I despise

this body with faults here and there

mind telling lies until I believe them all

heart in pain, wanting to be touched by your hand

I despise the creation of me

how could I not- when I see all stains

you tell me, you love me

my ears wide open

they hear the words spoken

then- my brain takes over

with contemptuous thoughts

judging every part of my own being

I want to trust in what your mouth is saying

but my mind won't let me

I despise the creation of me

need you to be patient

teach me how to trust

I don't have it in me

once upon a time it fled my mind

hurt with scares remaining year after year

I despise the creation of me

want to learn how to embrace love given to me

little by little, step by step

chapter by chapter in this book of my life

I want to learn how to relax

to rest in the beauty of love

Rare beauty

when the shadows from the past

seem to grow so fast

coming closer and haunting your mind

walk straight forward try not to look behind

the history is not who you are

even though it has left a huge scar

days of happiness awaits you

so please see this through

tears from eyes- in sadness drowning

because of other people frowning

with thoughtless words talking

just expect you to keep on walking

blood in need to get warmer in their veins

still you are amazing but caught in chains

you are a woman with inner beauty so rare

always with a gentle heart to share

blinded by their own foolishness

they won't even confess

to admit their faults in old days

that made you hurt in many ways

you are a beautiful flower with nectar to feed others

taking care of your guests- sisters and brothers

we are your companions- never to leave your side

you don't ever need to hide

we know you- your value is priceless

let us be there for you to ease your loneliness

How long?

soothing my entire soul

caressing my mind with gentle strokes

words of gold entering my ears

longing to feel calm

it is brought to me an injection

of feelings to heal my being

darkness is bright

no difference

between night and day

how long will it stay this way

pitch black is the colour I am used to

scared

afraid of waking

to find that it is all gone

Special connection

more than this

more than that

special indeed

same road walking

same way of talking

words in colourful clothes

a box of feelings- running over

signals need no interpreter

code is useless

inner eye viewing them all

reading listening

a glance of your face

know the look

thoughts from the past

we rip them apart

power force

special connection

Grey

when the fog is rolling in

you feel confusion within

grey is the colour to embrace

no choice in how to turn your face

thick like smoke from burning fire

where is the love that you desire

searching with eyes in air so heavy

in struggle to keep legs steady

heart beating fast inside your chest

when will you find a place to rest

Reborn

this morning

new day dawning

air filled with freshness

yesterday meaningless

breathing reborn by sleep

no longer time to weep

now is the time to live

love compassion to give

face turned to the sun

this day has only just begun

To belong

alone

not what we need

belong

hearts to feed

together

mutual understanding

on soft grass landing

love

raise us up above the dark sky

our hearts with wings to fly

you

the herb to heal my flesh

the method to refresh

united in this furious hurricane

to keep mind safe and sane

belong

heart to heart in living days

need support in many ways

belong

a synchronized smile

makes everything worthwhile

An End

need an end

no longer pretend

lost in my own confusion

maybe there are no solution

I dread

the things in my head

were did I go

I do not know

lost my direction

along with my protection

transparent is my skin

revealed is my heart within

easy to hurt- with words in cutting red

ought to once again hide inside my shed

like a dog play dead

Piece of art

valuable

so suitable

in my heart

living art

walking around

in my mind's playground

soothing my soul

filling every hole

feel calm

my hand against your palm

passing by every milestone

into the future's unknown

Alone but not

you say you care

believe in it I don't dare

years been passing by

been told lie by lie

wounds not healed

on the ground lies my shield

surrender, give in

no... I want to win

teach my eyes to see

faces right in front of me

be gentle to this heart of mine

let us follow that road sign

find a place to rest until morning sun

waking up far away from that pointing gun

survivors in this play

no longer astray

Silent cry

tears rolling down

pouring like autumn rain

eyes red in sadness trapped

shoulders turning stiff

tension building its nest

lips trembling

mouth dry

head in palms

nobody to hear your cry

because it is not there

Different languages

you say the things, you see as true

I talk my way through every day, just like you

the bond between words is not always strong

many time we do not understand what went wrong

lost in confusion, because of words so many

compassion calmness tolerance love

tools to make bridges between you and me

written words or spoken

the circle to keep unbroken

if we both are willing to believe

there is nothing we can't achieve

deep feeling of togetherness

is what will come out of this process

your words are mine to learn

my words are yours to translate

into feelings, events, actions, thoughts

The Language of Love

spoken through thousands of years in time

yet not old- never to age

the unwritten language

The Language of Love

Come

I might be different

but my heart is just like yours

beating every day

every minute

every second

for life

take me in your arms

need to feel safe against your chest

a lonely wanderer longing for love

teach me to trust

to relax

take me as I am

I will love you in purity

never turn my back on you

all I need, is the love you need too

let me swim in your heart's blood

to come with you on this journey

let me ease your hurt in days of trouble

laugh with you, in times of happiness

want to show you ME

if you let me in

my doors wide open for you to enter my heart

Good morning!

sitting here rocking to some tunes

life is quite wonderful after all

we've got the flowers and the bees

the honey and the trees

music in our ears

birds singing a crescendo of tones

sky in ocean blue

sun shining bright with golden beams

children laughing giving away such release

my heart goes out to you all

you and I are alive to see the little things

see above these walls of pain

you are unique

search your soul

and there YOU are

only YOU

be gentle to the one inside

try not to hide

when the tide comes rolling in

you will learn how to love

what lies within

The Play

tell myself I am ok

fighting this battle each day

truth has caught me in its strong hand

crying- standing on the edge of this stand

this crappy play- this life of mine

worthlessness in every line

throw tomatoes at me

I'm a bad actor- you see

time for the curtain to fall

hide away from it all

Not alone

when you feel like all hope is gone

no point in going on

know it will reach a moment to change

freedom is not out of range

days as deep black as in the very night

can suddenly turn into this guiding light

until the brightness catches your eyes

we will be there beside you watching the skies

you are not alone walking on this dark road

we are here to help you carry that heavy load

Talk

small talk

too much talk

what did I just say

oh no maybe not the right way

see me as a fool

is that what you are doing

how can I know

searching looking for answers

erosion ruining my brain

energy fled to another place

now I stand here all alone

hearing myself talking

about this and that

oh no did I just laugh too much

or too loud

I feel transparent

can you really see right through me

am I only a fake

a huge mistake in life

tell me

I need to know

'cause the way it's going

it's moving fast

I don't know

how much longer my patience will last

to feel peace, harmony inside this creation of mine

is what I need to finally feel fine

Abandoned

who am I really

can't see it all that clearly

they say I have got this disorder

then they act out off order

leaving me on my own to see

what it's all about with me

relax and feel free

is that why I pay them that fee

to be left in my own confusion

making my vague conclusions

tearing my inside apart

yeah they were so smart

me an obsessive thinker of all days

how on earth will I find my ways

easy for them to go on vacation under the summer sun

here I'm sitting having no fun

Torn

torn

between heart and mind

torn

between light and darkness

torn

between laughter and tears

torn

between past and presence

torn

between defeat and victory

torn

between hopelessness and faith

torn

between today and tomorrow

torn

between myself and others

torn

The Memory

dancing all night long

to the vibrations of this old song

crying a tear or two

I remember- do you?

the time when things were new

when the sky looked even more blue

when the birds were singing in every tree

all we felt- FREE as can be

sat on the grass in silence- hand in hand

summer air caressing our skin, smoother than finest sand

calmness all around

only birds singing, above the ground

filling the mind with soft feather's touch

leaving the unpleasant thoughts tormenting so much

to see them fly away never to be seen again

this was the day- that was then

a memory to keep close to heart, to once again feel free

the hour when nature became a part of you and me

Vulnerable

rusty brain

traces stains

old too soon

in lack of tears

caught by fears

learning to walk all over again

scared of herself

others

her own heart and future days

the book is open

read the chapters never shown to man

words of sorrow pain sadness

black on white

white on black

times been good in days few

rough in larger quantities than able to chew

afraid of tomorrow

all strength she needs to borrow

from you, her and him

feeling weak not standing tall

this is her without her shield

please don't hit her with arrows sharp

she would fall in an instance

wounded at heart

The Dethronement

the night takes over the day retreats

will you still love me when the sun returns

the air is humid hot these summer days

the water of life for thirsty souls

to drink with eager like love from a heart

together no longer alone wandering along

in this smothering heat far from a chilly heart beat

never to give in but continue this battle to win

love is a shelter a castle to endure all weathers

so when the night is king fear no harm

the light will throw him off his throne

to rule all by its own

The Princess & The Prince

now as I go to bed

with many thoughts in my head

I know that there will be a tomorrow

I hope- a day without sorrow

to see the glow in my kid's eyes

in where so much beauty lies

to hear them laughing in joy

drawing pictures, playing with that toy

running around jumping up and down

wearing that princess crown

playing games to win in the end

my love- I to them both send

some days are really rough

you my boy acting tough

but I know it is not who you are

it is the disorder leaving a scar

you my girl is oh so sweet

in the early morning light entering our room

shining with a face already in bloom

tomorrow- another day to be with you

under the sky- ocean blue

Highway

some day

I hope to leave this way

this highway of racing thoughts

speeding- no limits

take no notice of signs up ahead

obsessions in its prime

stop

no- crash and burn

Marshmallow heart

cold hard vindictive loveless

numb heart made of stone

warm soft peaceful loving

marshmallow heart

taking faking lying spying

user

giving sincere trustworthy believer

friend

Through borrowed eyes

you see me- I see you

let me borrow your eyes

I will lend you mine

you hear me- I hear you

let me borrow your ears

I will lend you mine

I need your heart- you need mine

let me borrow your heart

I will lend you mine

to know myself

is to know others

to know myself

is to give

to know myself

is to see you

to know myself

is to hear you

to know myself

is to treasure your heart

talk to me with gentle words

when you see my stains

tell me in a friendly tone

I know- I can never be perfect

but one thing I know

I try each day passing

to be worthy being called your friend

The day when I decided

never to crawl

never to bend

I am me

I won't pretend

take me as I am

or not at all

my heart beating

not to be stepped on ever again

I may be weak

look into my eyes

yes you are right

I am strong too

words can hit like a fist

guess what? you missed!

I am no longer to be used

I am me

free

no one's prisoner

I have just decided

hmm... I am really not that bad

Unknown feeling

something strange is going on

feel it in the air

in my body- every where

what is this sensation

new- unexplored

unexpected

but ooooooh so welcome

please will you stay

today and many days to come

yes I know now

you told me

your name is-

happiness

Hey, Life!

hey, Life!

you had quite a good day today, hah?!

Thank you, for giving me of your hours!

I know you have been treated in a rough way...

I wish time will see to you some more, from now on

I mean hey...! You need some good feeding!

kid's laughter

fresh air

no despair

hey... you- Life! You even made ME smile today!

Life... psst... I kind of like you, after all...

Naked

taking off my pants

turning them inside out

contents from pockets- falling out

revealing

showing

standing naked on the floor

nothing left to hide

nude from head to toe

exposed

looked at

embarrassed

naked

this life of mine

ashamed

hurt

feeling low

now you know

it all

I do not want this

worthless

Slippery

life isn't easy

way too greasy

walking on this slippery road

shoulders carrying this heavy load

you fall

so hard to stand tall

crawling around

wanting to be found

treated with tenderness

to feel togetherness

I hear you my friend

the frustration which makes you bend

lift your head high

to view the summer sky

calmness to fill your chest

let you lay down to rest

Your laughter

your laughter is seldom there

a visit- with us to share

tonight it came to us- a bright surprise

to make my eye-brows rise

to feel for you- in this happy tone

not to laugh alone

you do so much for me

though you're drained- that I see

your humour is as funny as can be

transforming lips to set them free

your laughter is a beautiful sound

lifting your head up, not to view the ground

when the new day shines through our window glass

will I hear your laughter as refreshing as dew on grass?

you deserve that happy morning mood

that day's prelude

laughter rippling, like water murmuring in a well

only time will tell

If only

your life is lonely

a battle field, day and night

struggling alone, but yet with 11 others

that is a hard blow to take

having to watch every step you take

voices from days long gone

still as vivid as back then

hurt but still alive

breathing the air to survive

right now, sleep is not your friend

soon you two will reunite, in the hand of calmness

if I could erase some of the old words spoken

or the rough treatment, which made you feel so broken

I would do it, in the blink of an eye

life is now... yet also history in action

if only time could heal all wounds!

Good night dear friend

good night dear friend

over the ocean I these words send

you are a light shining bright

to glow like the stars in the black night

your heart is a heart made of compassion

I know- because I've been given a huge ration

my friend I sense your pain

pouring through your vein

but today I saw your happiness shining through

I felt a calm happy feeling for you

you deserve to feel free

please know you're loved by me

Julia

Julia

you know me well

you found me hiding in a shell

you gently took me by the hand

to brush away the sand

bruised by raging waters force

you gave me these soothing words of yours

Julia

your life is sometimes oh so rough

you're still standing tough

not the one to give up in any fight

you've taught your eyes to see the light

a woman with many things inside your creation

walking towards your destination

True hope

hey man from UK

hope you feel OK

that night has been kind to you

to make you fight again with a strong spirit true

days are long

in need to belong

to feel hope- to feed the soul

the rope to climb, up from this hole

on the ground above, your hand we will reach

now- left behind buried in that pit- your screech

Changes

use me

lose me

I'm nobody's fool

that's against my rule

hurt many times in my day

hard to make the pain go away

changes been made

I'm no longer to fade

not less worth than you

this knowledge to me is new

Prisoner

days passing in life's jail

always seem to fail

that candle is still burning

we are always learning

the lesson's of life

cutting deep as a sharp knife

between the cuts, bruises, pain

there are yet, beautiful things to gain

search in the blood red sky at sunset

tomorrow it will be blue, for you to forget

the hours spent in misery

feel like flying - set free

How

sleep is still in my eyes

finding it hard to see through all the lies

my heart is still beating inside my chest

all I want to do is rest

tired of these questions ruling my mind

thoughts, feelings- of the worst kind

somewhere along the road I lost my identity

can't walk back to find security

I left no trace behind me

so how can I find the one I used to be

got to find a new path in futures hand

but how- I don't understand

Keep searching

search to find new roads

on life's old map

short cuts- no they mislead

walking through heavy rains under cloudy dark skies

deserts in the hand of dryness

through green deep forests

on raging stormy oceans

learning how to walk with legs trembling

to dive, swim the sea's of water

climbing over rocks and branches

stumbling

crawling

running

falling

travellers on this Earth

in time's house

every little road, tiny path

is there to lead you right on track

look carefully on the map to see

ask your tired eyes to please not give up

this long, tiring journey- not without meaning

Mask off

to fake

that is my mistake

better to cry

then hiding behind a "lie"

my face can wear this happy smiling mask

I hardly show what is behind it- not even if you ask

hurt in forgotten days

in me they are still alive in many ways

vulnerable to arrows flying in the air

feels better to be left in my own despair

to trust- I'm not the next target to hit

no- safer to just split

though this hunger is burning inside

from which I can never hide

it is so strong

has been there for so long

to feel around my shoulders a safe loving arm

relax breathing slowly to fear no harm

my hand touches my face only to find this shell

take it off with an unsteady hand- in need to yell

keep it in my hand for a while

then I begin to smile

it is back again to cover my face

please- help this actor to feel brave enough to embrace

let others see the face behind this charade

finally find myself stepping out off the shade

The Cage

building a cage in furious rate

to hide the emotions before it is too late

keep feelings not to be touched by any hand

never to let inside- protection is what you demand

these four sides- will be a perfect safety net

on your own- no friends- strangers you have never met

will get inside this escape house of yours

all you see is those who never showed remorse

is this the way to live

lonely not wanting to give

grab the tongs- cut a huge hole to let us in

we know- that you have feelings hiding within

one by one- entering your home today

soon your fear will be washed away

patience is hard to embrace

but soon- you will be going on to next phase

can see the anxiety in your eyes

learn to trust- we don not tell lies

your cage is caving in

you are about to win

there is a deep way of thinking

without the risk of sinking

love is all around

us people- standing on Earth's ground

Hope- better days

MentalPollution

not easy to find the solution

The King of Sadness is saying: Hey!

been much nicer if he said, Good bye!

distress signals in the sky

you wonder why

why is my life so difficult to run

I had hoped for more fun

walking past the mirror you turn around

who is that- you say almost without sound

let me tell you MentalPollution

this might not come as a revolution

your eyes- vision not clear

your ears- react on things not meant to hear

the iceberg is hit- but unlike Titanic

you don't need to panic

because safety is just nearby

so please don't cry

the day is dawning

while you're yawning

open your eyes to really see

how life can be

friends standing ready to lend a hand

to bring you safely back on dry land

The King of Sadness- left behind at sea

Finally- you feel free

Warrior down

in the first hours of day in early morning light

waking up already in a thought of giving up my fight

why put my feet on that hard cold floor

to meet all troubles I want no more

only a sad tragic moment

getting out off bed with feelings ancient

yeah I am not the one to roll over to play dead

warrior in well polished armour instead

yet there are spots naked to enemy swords

walking on unsteady trembling legs towards

that giant built of fear anxiety darkness

its mission to make me confess

I am worthy of nothing good

to make sure that I have fully understood

Years in training

who would know- what's circling around in my brain

who would know- my feelings locked up inside

who would know- about the changes

who would know- my hidden secrets

who would know- my certain language

who would know

I would not

The visible me

laughing

cracking jokes

playing with words

laughing

talking TALKING

not always looking into your eyes

trying to be there for you and you and you…

The hidden me

.... hmmm... sure you really want to know???

crying

searching

thinking about this

thinking about that

thinking

got to know it ALL

every tiny little detail

anxious

scared

feeling lonely

reading in my history book

or you may call it training instructions

if you do like this

if you do like that

RESULT

questions

impulses

thoughts

covering my path like a sticky mess

what do I make of this

what do I make of that

a fool

am I a fool

believing in words of friendship

in words of love

are you just laughing behind my back

PERFECT

need to get every detail right

words- I love

but also hate

PERFECT

writing in English

not my language for real

writing in English

LOVE IT

GRRR HATE IT

PERFECT

useless

love me

love me NOW

love me more

say the words

PLEASE

please

LOST

CONFUSED

guide me

take my hand in yours

always right

yeah ashamed of that

not always right- I know

tell that to my Asperger

obsessions

compulsions

NOOOOOOOOOOOO

........

hmmmm

turning into YES YES YES YES

fighting against my own rough wind

show you

nah

do I have to

you might hurt me

back into my prison cell

behind bars and lock

it is lonely

scary

I'M SCARED TO BE OUTSIDE

VULNERABLE

taking that risk

yes no yes no yes no......

you might hate me

laugh at me

MY INSIDE IN TEARS

please will you love me for who I am

Falling apart

no I just can't face it anymore

thinking like never before

smile has been put into my pocket

all I feel are tears pushing in my eye socket

deceived time after time

in this huge life's crime

I know hope is to follow

in spite of that I feel so hollow

all I want is to rest in silence

without my mind hurting itself with violence

when will this war come to an end

in the meantime I bend

close to the dark brown cold dirty soil

disillusioned with thought's intentions to foil

What I want

what I want

is to embrace you

and you to hold me

what I want

is to see you smile

and to laugh with me

what I want

is understanding

and recollection

what I want

is your mind

and your reflection

what I want

is not always visible

and to touch

what I want

is your ear

and eye

what I want

is to be let in

and to sooth your tormented heart

what I want

is your friendship

and your words

what I want

is to be loved

and to love

what I want

is out of reach

or is it

what I want

is you

and you and you

what I want

is to feel togetherness

and peacefulness

Lonely

sitting here feeling oh so lonely

in a body getting tired and sleepy

night time is here but I don't want it near

your eyes I have not seen in that certain way

sleep won't find me if I leave in this very moment

the night might be here, but yesterday is still not gone

not until you come and talk to me

a piece is missing in this late hour

to renew my inside power

Late hour

here I am

sitting in thoughts

wondering about it all

questions answers

thinking digging

drowning inside

no place to hide

down on my knees

begging you please

see this heart of mine

crying in the black night

on my own to figure it all out

my throat not to shout

suffocating pressure to my lunges

feel like ripping of my skin

searching for comfort within

not the solution

to this late hour's illusion

then- what is

I don't know

Drowning

tired- hit- beaten

by a sensation

running wild

like the river in springtime

too fast too deep

drowning in thoughts

in brain's rapid current

too weak to feel worthy of a fight

forced to surrender

in today's merciless waters

drowning in my own stream

Cloudy

today isn't a good day

not in any way

my mother came in the morning light

it felt like waking up ready preparing to fight

words hurting like a sharp sword through my being

wish I could lie back down, not seeing

I baked a pie with strawberry & raspberry

but it didn't make my heart more merry

I cleaned my boy's room

entire apartment to the sound of the vacuum's vroom

stomach in pain swollen like a balloon

my leg is pounding hurting in need to rest soon

son is mean in words from little mouth's lips so fast

how long will this day last

oh yeah... I remember it has only just begun

many hours left under the sun

no wait.... sun's not shining, that's a lie

grey heavy sky- clouds tears to cry

Rest

as I lie my head down to rest

I feel a sensation running through

power's spark leaving my creation

hours of sadness filled this second end of day

hopelessness in the air- all around

rest is never to be

mind in constant movement

relax- my body does not know the word

in the early morning- building

by noon- it all starts to fall apart

His eyes

there is laughter

there is smile

short times now and then

there is anxiety

there is pain

day by day

lost in a world unknown to his eyes

no wonder he cries

confusion holding him in a firm way

making all the roughness stay

treated by life like he has committed a crime

now it is getting worse each time

trying to see what his eyes are telling

no point in ever yelling

he is my boy my fruit my son

life sure is not fun

I will fight until the day turns into night

to bring my son some bright light

a young boy who deserves so much love

I have deep faith in future help- from God up above

Need love

love is a hunger

felt deep inside

swimming in its waters

both day and night

never to drown

only to find

you

take my hand

swim on this planet Earth

loneliness far behind

I thank your mind

for what I did find

love is

love is what we all need

you

all of us

Tame the heart

love is a strange thing

much joy to bring

loneliness chasing away

love is holding on- to stay

it came in a bright beam

almost unreal- it did seem

caught- by the light of its glory

is this to be a true story

tame the heart- who can do such a thing

make a heart in deep love stop to sing

it is an impossible task

it reveals everything inside-unmask

Call

called you up- in the morning light

before my bravery gone out off sight

my voice in a hard tone

I do not like being a stone

I had no choice- you see

how else could I make you listen to me?!

it is a shame- to need this BIG letter by letter

what to do- when we need life to get better?

a little boy- in deep anxiety- lost in his confusion

why can't you see- that we need a solution?!

time went by

was it all a lie?

waiting- calling again, again, again

is it going to happen- when?

this is torture- tremendous pain!

so far- efforts been all in vain

tell me- why are you sitting on that chair?!

how can you just sit over there?!

not hearing our hearts screaming

yes- you are even affirming!

the rescue is coming soon

not long now- after the light of moon

your words are useless!

because you know what? you are clueless!

listen LISTEN to FEEL!

we need your hand for REAL!

I guess most of you just do not know

how strong it is- this wind to blow

little boy- in eyes of fear

all I want- is to hold him near

I will not surrender until action is seen!

my mouth will not close- my feet not leave the scene

love is in my heart for these sweet blue eyes

to me- there is no disguise

my son- I feel your feelings in despair

with you- my heart I do share

Back in black

creepy feeling touching me inside, from time's sand in the hour glass. memories haunting my mind in its cruelness. empathy is dead, here on the cold hard floor. why- now again... smothering my throat to see white stars above my head... let go! no more! a prisoner fighting to get out... all there is to do, is to realize that it's all back.... tormenting hurting cutting- deep... searching with tired red eyes in darkness covering all four walls... no- there is no way out... all there is left is to shout... no one to hear my cry... and I wonder why.... why is the night so dark... both by vision and heart... maybe if I just turned all anxiety loose... there would be left- no more blues...

Strong tears

you who are you

I who am I

secrets to reveal

it's time to heal

your tears will be glowing

all your bravery showing

salty water pouring down

face in a frown

let loose all this tension

walk forward towards a new dimension

reach out your hand

together we will create the strongest band

I feel for you

my heart cries out in pain for all of you frostbitten

reading all your words in sadness written

to give you my ear is all I really can do

I wish I could do so much more for you

my mind is in torment

reading about the years in life you have spent

in hunger for love

no light from up above

in need a of a hand

no one there to understand

this ache is deep

makes my inside weep

in my arms- I want to hold you all

make you feel safe- no longer smaller than small

I'm just a woman in a far away land

but in my mind I'm holding your hand

The Past in Fading Hour

the past is also the present

wounds healed on the surface

yet deep in pain

the future is the hope

love is the cure

memories fading in the sunrise

new day dawning

fresh morning to lighten your burden

a day filled with air from the future

the hour to feel reborn

today is the time to have faith in tomorrow

might not be this tomorrow

but one day a new sun will greet your awakened mind

show you the path to lead you through the misery

to feel free

Looking into the fire

feeling disillusioned like a huge fake

mood drowning like a stone thrown into a lake

where do I begin and where do I end

is my being just a false pretend

questions years in time- no answers to my silent cry

just this constant word- why

bubbling up from the bottom ground

a haunting familiar sound

same old feeling of something being wrong

secrets hiding for my own eyes behind a happy song

laugh and you are safe not to get caught

instead stuck in your own mind you fought

filling filling filling your mind

never leaving a trace behind

how on earth can you keep on walking

when you don't even feel like talking

scared into the point of no return

no I will not let myself burn

fire is a force of mighty power

flames tormenting hour by hour

heat is just too much to take

let us escape before it is too late- a big mistake

running running running

crawling crawling crawling

forward forward forward

can still smell the smoke from a distance

tired tongues of fire fading towards no more existence

safe- standing on pure soil untouched by raging fire

I guess it is not me who is a liar

Eaten

eating me up in fury

beating my brain in rage

anger in despair

gasping for air

you- who are you

telling the truth

or are lies coming from your mouth

surrender to the weakness

fear around every corner

who am I to stand

to talk

or even walk

just a tiny dot in universe

see me

leave me

my own second-hand history

No more

no more

on the sea shore

water raging

ears ringing

tears pouring

lead me to your house

open the door

let me inside

frozen lost

in time's cruelty

close the door

never to be opened again

Rust

tired of thinking

feel like I'm only sinking

drowning in my own mind

where is the shore to find

unable to swim in numbness

feel bottomless

up down

sad clown

water or wine

mood of mine

most of the time choking

still keep on joking

covered with dust

self confidence's rust

Wrong

what is wrong

with this song

it is sad

feeling bad

tones in deepest black

heavy load on my back

trying to stay strong

everything feels wrong

waking up in the early hour

completely out of power

crying inside

wanting to hide

get away from it all

I feel so small

in frustration screaming

feel like I am dreaming

a haunting nightmare

with no one to share

let me loose

I am a goose

pour water on my creation

I will not even feel a sensation

nerves been cut

inside of this nut

running to escape

this emotional rape

my heart is torn

beating- I could have sworn

only a lie

I wonder why

wrong

all along

In love

at my door- love is standing

with a loud voice- demanding

touching my face

with loving grace

seeing me in a different light

you just might

embrace the loving feeling

my heart is revealing

In distress

fogs rolling in

grey within

darkness arriving

blackness thriving

caught by a feeling

all energy stealing

numbness in every cell

no way to yell

heart in torture cruel

sadness knows the rule

in this late hour

out of power

I confess

I am in distress

Good night

good night,

today's fight!

may tomorrow be bright

sun shining its light

need a guide to find my way

no longer walk astray

stumbling around

on earth's ground

searching for peace

to find some release

tomorrow is tomorrow

new day- carrying its own sorrow

now is the time to go to sleep

I'm lucky- I do not weep

Always your companion

when you feel like faith is gone

come lean on me to carry on

when your mind is crying

you feel like dying

I am here to hold your hand

support your legs to stand

when your eyes are tired and sad

everything just feels bad

look into my eyes to see my love so true

together we will reach the top to find power to renew

when you feel all alone in this world of confusion

I will always hold this close to heart- my resolution

when you feel an urge to end it all

I will give you reasons to live not to feel small

that is my place

to put a pure smile on your face

when you wake up in the darkest night

please know that it is not time to give up this fight

time will heal your deep wounds with the morning light

patience is not easy to hold inside

I am here to help you feel some pride

never use your mind to hurt yourself

easier said than done- I know myself

know that I am here for you through hours and days

I feel for you in oh so many ways

Screeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaam

no more

I hate this

I don't care anymore

I give up

I'm useless

can't do this anymore

I hate my son

I love my son

screeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaam

horrible

I want to run away

get some peace

SILENCE

hitting me

hitting his sister

this metallic laughter

teasing

triggering

eating on your nerves

"I will kill you!"

"You're so fat!"

"I hate you!"

I bake muffins

I do all for my kids

draw pictures

still never enough

I'm so sick of this!

screeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaam

I hate myself for hating my life

hating my son at some level

split feelings

confusing

heartbreaking

I LOVE MY SON

I LOVE MY DAUGHTER

I'm never good enough

my energy has fled

all I want to do is go to bed

stay there

block everything out

screeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaam

days are so rough

I've had enough

death is calling to my creation

I want out of this

but I'm trapped

can't fall apart

screeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaam

Rescue- SOS

why

how

wondering all day long

seem to sing the wrong song

false tones in my throat

in distress this boat

Morse signals sent out

to combine with my shout

tell me who I am in this fight

sinking into the dark night

lift me up with mighty power

to escape this final hour

safe away from the cold- in the calm dock

opposite closing chapter than for Captain Murdoch

I don't get it!

my heart in silent cry

I feel torn apart

my brain in agony

not knowing why

what is going on

why this cruel sensation

need an explanation

slowly strangled

hurting myself

why sad in happiness

no rhyme no reason

scared of my own mind

The Maze

death

in blue eyes

tears on soil

numb

no sensation

help me

want out

in this maze

around around in circles

air thick heavy

can't do it no more

on the cold floor

motionless

in total distress

Run in haze

not much longer

I can't get any stronger

I want out

with a shout

leaving it all behind

pretending to be blind

no use to think that way

I am forced to stay

a huge part of me is dying

in a lot of tears crying

a fighter worn out behind this shield

with holes, scratches from the battle field

sword in bad shape

better run- cold war escape

wonderer in thick haze

left is a warrior in daze

Erasing days of pain

in this early morning hour I felt a love to recover

erasing more than ten days of pain.

my friend with a golden heart about to get completely torn apart

by the hurt of those meant to be close holding her hand

she showed me her loving expression on a glowing face

waking up feeling so small like dust on this earth

she gave me a new morning birth

holding me close with words of love

I owe her more than I can ever repay

good things happened twice

you never know it's like rolling a dice

with my friend's eyes on the computer screen

my son showed emotions like covered in gold

to feel his arms around my neck

to hear him laugh

to have some fun with my own flesh and blood

yes- erasing more than ten days of pain

sad rough days, fading- vanishing into the air

leaving with all the despair

this morning

a morning surrounded by LOVE

My trust in your hand?

who are you behind that window glass

looking at me with big nosy eyes

am I not just like you

not more of an alien than you

so why are you starring at me

you say you love me

so stop doing that

I am me and you can't change that

if your love was true

you would take me as I am

nothing else demand

you want me to trust in you

how can I

you have got to earn my trust

actions worth far more than words

say you love me and mean it

say you love me and show it

my heart is not a toy

no- not for you to play with

honesty walking hand in hand with trust

otherwise- to be honest, there will be no trust

Fading in silence

fading rose in lack of water

falling apart dry and weak

best days are long gone

hours under the sky

looking up to see that circle in all its pride

yellow spot light reflecting on The Atlantic Ocean

sea water- not for roses

blow wind- blow- in directions far from home

red as blood in human veins

transforming into an old brown guest on Earth

day by day- sparkling grace fading away

before you know it- my beauty will be dead

never ever, to be seen again

flower stood tall in a glorious pose

now-red is gone- water dry- sun is burning

salty tears on brown leaves

left is only the memory of that red coat in pride

dust to dust

Mercy

were are you my bed so soft

can I please join you in my sad hour

hug me keep me warm

ease my body's pain

my mind is sinking

my heart is beating hard

show me mercy

let me rest

yes I know, it is not up to you

you can't be my friend for too long

my awake life has to go on

memories of days in time

worries tears fears

ashamed to show my face

no more words to be said

I feel like I'm already dead

mercy for a tired soul

sleep in bed of peace

Locked doors

who are you, hiding behind these doors

only a peek now and then, not enough to know

never taught to know the word- love

closing up inside your prison cell

somehow I feel your frustration far too well

locked- is the door to your heart- your very soul

will you ever let me inside to see the true you

I have been searching so long for the right key

after ten years in time, looking in every corner

I realize that I will never find what I am looking for

because it is not to be found... to be in my hand

unless you decide to give it to me

you are the one holding the key so very tight

please let me use it to open your heavy doors

my love- we need each other now more than ever

let me see and feel who you are

give me your words, I need them

cry on my shoulder, let me cry on yours

love me, with open doors

Bye

over and out

with a shout

bye cruel day

never again- come my way

head is aching

I am faking

happy face made of clay

hit me- nothing more to say

words are lost in confusion's mind

need this shield- to hide behind

no more fights this day

because it has just gone away

time for darkness- to greet my sleep

hope tomorrow- won't be a day to weep

Sunshine in the rain

sunshine in the rain

to wash away my pain

warm breeze in my hair

to blow away my despair

gentle words spoken

to mend what is broken

arms wrapped around my being

to erase what it is I'm seeing

eyes in glowing love

to make me fly high above

sunshine in the rain

to fade away every stain

warm breeze in my hair

happiness to share

gentle words spoken

the love's token

arms wrapped around my being

mind and heart agreeing

eyes in glowing love

demanding life's misery to shove

My tree

my beautiful mighty tree

standing tall reaching the sky

through your crown of leaves you bring me sunbeams so bright

when the rain is falling you catch the drops to keep me dry

when the storm is raging I hold on tight to you and I feel safe

my tree- glorious in fall's sparkling colors

to know you is to know life

my tears- you turn into tears of joy

tears pouring down my face- on to the soil

for my magnificent tree to drink

days are passing and years will come

you are my tree- until the end of times

Armour skin

can you see through my armour skin

see the things hidden within

to be honest many can not see

what is the real me

getting heavy to wear this iron clothing

pieces lost in recent days

rusty falling apart

quick- put a new one on

or will you embrace me

when this old suit is gone

Tears

lost in tears oh so sad

throat is thick in mutiny

one says yes

one says no

fighting... or

...to let go

hurting blood in veins gone stiff

survive this blow to reach that goal

yes that is what I will do

so pick up that sword you warrior

the battle is still not lost

bring your mind in focus

victory is waiting up ahead

waving its hand to greet you

Thoughts

deep in my mind

you would find

the thoughts of a stranger

in fear for danger

long monologue in despair

lunges gasping for air

too close to reality

not far from insanity

again and again- always

a never ending circle- spinning in both ways

stop this marry-go-round

questions with no answers to be found

trust in what is known

making all life's misery my own

guide myself to find a happier place

rest my brain cells in slow pace

Love submission

love is a feeling you can't resist

touching you through the humid mist

when you feel it coming near

you tremble- not out of fear

a warm wave through body in silent rush

blood's travelling river- in gush

swim with all reachable force

love will still run its course

relax in floating position

experience love's glory- in total submission

Your eyes

in your eyes I find my way

they guide me along the narrow path of life

glittering in a deep thinking mood

in your pupils I find peace- harmony for a starving soul

your eyes- the only true mirror

they hold the image of me

sharp vision- yet with tender love, glowing

they search to reach deep inside

once there- never to look away, ever again

four eyes melting together

you are the golden sun- high above

I am the raindrops falling down on Earth

synchronized- creating the most beautiful rainbow

Reconciliation

hollow inside

eaten up is my pride

my lips not wearing a smile

in deep need to reconcile

united together- heart and mind

in pure feelings combined

misery gone in an instant

to feel reborn as new as an infant

view a world in a better place

magnificent glory in vanishing daze

Apathy

my mouth just won't talk

my feet just not walk

because silence has struck my being

through tears my eyes are seeing

a picture in foggy land

reaching out to find your powerful hand

searching up and down- left and right

clear my vision- rescue from fright

save me in gentle touch of empathy

hold me tight through my apathy

in your arms I will start to grow again

crawling out from my underground den

please stay and take a look

in my heart's secret book

words of gratitude will echo- sunrise until sundown

the sound of a waterfall singing- all misery to drown

Vanishing

a branch falling into pieces

returning to dark mud on Earth

once tall- in pride wearing a glowing crown

merciless thunder- lightning cruel

fire destroying- vanishing beauty

destruction all around

death on ground

The emotional river

tears as many as the stars in universe

never ending river of salty water pouring down

say words carrying emotions- see my wet eyes

no lock gate, strong enough to hold back this force

sensations playing a vivid game- in the chambers of my heart

sadness rolling in like the mighty tide

covering my cheeks- leaving my chin- falling down on dust

my chest huge in breathing pain- eating up my air

numb features of a soul astray

cry a little while longer

then- let it pass my way

It is time

Sadness- tears- unhappy faces

Hurt- pain- misery

view this picture- taking it all in

vision blurry- crawling on my knees

laughter- support- compassion

helping hand- those days in deep fog

loving words- from wounded hearts

words embracing your tired soul

fight- argue- mislead

fire burning- mouth of flames

hit punch kick

all put on a scale

what to see?

heavy weight in sadness and hurt

too much...

falling down

it is time to turn around

Listen!

the clear blue ocean water

the smooth sand beach

creating a soft gentle melody

meeting each other in the calm end of day

listen and feel the harmony

let your heart come alive

close your eyes in relaxation

all thoughts of sadness

may they slowly drown one by one

into the rotation of waters

Tears rolling

falling down one by one

increasing into little creeks

to become united on my shirt

wet sad stain like from heavy rain

emptying my reservoirs to lowest critical level

left is only a lonely silent numbness

Cold hand

chilly days

in a multitude of ways

clouds in darkest grey

rain in constant sad play

your once so warm gentle hand

now freezing cold- I don't understand

trust is down under my shoes

heart in a deep sad blues

Morning

sun is up- shining- not knowing

in my being sadness constantly growing

no use in pretending

this broken soul in need for mending

one day and one more

wandering around in my core

The Lying Truth

underneath there's a fire burning

deadly heat- cold refreshing water- colliding

behind smiles happy cheerful laughter

shadow of a human mind- caught by time

blood of flames- airways breathing- thick suffocating smoke

still no change- on face in light

see without seeing

an illusion fooling its viewer

smile- there is no smile!

smoky fog- can't you see it?!

cry- on inside hurting

now you know about the lying truth

revealed like dust removed from ancient item

though in reverse

Nature

can you see the water running wild

horses drinking its fury out of heavy thirst

do you feel the humid air filled with tiny little drops

covering your face- turning into healthy red

clouds wandering across the light blue sky

sun reflecting in river foam gathered tight together

leaves in motion on mighty trees

caught by winds from dusk to dawn

branches swaying- left- right- up- down

eagle wings high up in cloudy kingdom

power underneath feather arms

crying wolves howling in the distance

sensations taking over your being

because of this magnificent scenery

melody of tones in ear's theatre

Words

all alone in my mind

searching trying to find

my way out off this jail

again and again I do fail

your ears they hear my voice

leaves me without a choice

this loneliness surrounding me will remain

until you passionately call out my name

to be heard is not enough you see

my heart needs more to be set free

listen- with the mind of a lover

then soon you will discover

the secret behind words spoken

you talking- would be the purest love token

Would you?

one day in shadow land

in my pocket- my hand

no noticeable sound

not even dripping tears onto the ground

complete silence in hiding

without motion- sliding

would you miss me?

or even see

that empty spot - with no owner

sure not a loner

just invisible in the crowd

this heart in need to cry out loud

no- it is mute

hurting all the way to the root

No more!

empty- crying- in tears drowning

is this a life or just a vision of death

I hate my mind for spinning around

my heart too soft to stay safe inside

kill me with words cutting like a sharp sword

I surrender in an instant

because I can't take it anymore

unworthy crawling back to my misty cave

disappearing into the darkness of shadows

born... learned how to walk and talk

now... numbness all around

nothing

The cement mixer

around and around

sticky mess

water and sand

heavy and wet

grey like the fog

turning thick

around and around

will it ever end

around and around

done

build me a castle

no build me a bunker

cement is not meant for grace

hard

cold

not that fancy

once wet

waiting in that capsule

now- all numb

Where?

where did I go?

I wonder so!

once in a hurry to do this and that

now in a daze- growing all fat

the mirror- not a friend of mine

the reflection has no shine

gone is my laughter

I wonder what I'm after

the point in my day

wandering astray

Sleep

bed- here I come

to sleep at least some

tossing and turning

with obsessions burning

no- I will not give in

to let my thoughts win

not true

taken out of the blue

closing my eyes to sleep

go to bed you too- OCD- you creep!

I do not want you around

so stay there- flat on the ground

peace come inside

please do not hide

sleep is what I need

not unwanted thoughts in high speed

Dreamer

a tiny piece of me

to be set free

view the bright light

in starry night

fly away in the land of dreams

no fear no screams

singing a tune of love

in the mighty skies above

a moment in fantasy world

when happy thoughts swirled

wake up now you sleepy one

a new day has already begun

Embrace together

in eyes blinded by the darkness of misery

you found that single tiny spark

hiding to remain bright

wounds open...

bleeding red lines pouring down on my face

you gently took my hand in yours

warm sensation spread like fire in wind

saved by a loving soul

together growing day by day

embracing life in moments of light

Fading away…

fading flower

no more power

people around

can't stand their sound

eyes open to see

the sad creation of me

want to hide away

invisible stay

Dying inside...

Depression

I should be in bed

instead my mind I shred

lost in weakness and shame

am I myself to blame

ripping tearing apart

stepping on my own heart

depression hitting hard

lying there on the yard

Hit me!

wake me up from this place!

walking around in a sloooow pace

numb- walking only by mind's knowledge

behind me it is- my lost courage

hit me!

set me free

open my tired eyes

to see the heavens- where bird flies

help me please!

to find inner peace

wake me up from this silent nightmare

to see myself and care

Known stranger

light shining in a dark place

once seen and caught by eyes

trust building up in heart of faith

footsteps on narrow path of forgotten days

the dawn is here to show the way

fooled by shadows of the night

now awakened by sunlight

illusions once so strange to the puzzled eye

naked without mystery- revealed

Good night!

now when I go to bed

to rest my weary head

I think of those

I'm holding close

night is here to mend

refreshment into our tomorrow send

sleep with tears on pillow and sheet

close your eyes soon the sun is back to greet

a soul in need for comfort beams

to drown your sadness and screams

take my hand to walk this road

steady together- even under a heavy load

My hand

in the morning hours

my hand is empty

wait a little longer

soon it will carry contents

hold misery- yes tears

or maybe happiness in smiles

who knows what today will bring

to fill my bare hand

air becoming solid substance

through the sand of an hourglass

Healing

longing feeling inside

no place to hide

this deep sensation

playing with mind and heart

seeking for beauty with eager eyes

shivering nerves and muscles

love through tenderness

knowing a feature- a soul

connection in words

movements and looks

joy for human being

to wash away sorrow

throw away pain

forget the tears

the rain outside the window glass

surrender to love

in days of passion

Mr Teddy Bear Shrink

alone in fear

one long year

since he disappeared

the tall guy with a beard

gentle and kind

a man so rare to find

left all alone in wilderness

trying to deal with my inner stress

bit by bit he learned about me

to help me set free

lose this torment in my brain

to make me stay sane

secrets unrevealed

he kept hidden with lips sealed

blushing red roses on his cheeks

sometimes turned bleak

trust has never been my friend

he guided me- trying to mend

this broken soul in million pieces of doubt

a heart crying out with a loud shout

see me for who I am

don't shut that door- WHAM!

tomorrow it is time to meet again

the Teddy Bear lost back then

now back in my town

he will wear his fairytale crown

what will my mouth say after all this time in silence

in deep need for some guidance

not many hours from this future event

to tell him how this year was spent

Mr Teddy Bear Shrink

he's pretty cool- I think

My Corner in Time

trapped inside a dark cloud

no part of the crowd

clenched fist

in thick mist

anxiety rolling in

under my sensitive skin

creeping feeling in nerves and cells

agony along with misery- dwells

sitting still unable to move

what is there to prove?

that the fire is not to fear?

the coast is clear?

no- thoughts colliding over and over again

tell me- When is it safe to leave this den?

when I love- will I feel your hand in mine?

when I cry- will you dry the tears from my face line?

Go away!

this feeling of being dead

all days to dread

waking up to the first beams of light

not at all up for this new day to fight

with tired eyes in morning hour

I feel so out off power

can I run and hide?

put life aside?

bury all memories from history days?

to start all over in a slow pace?

time could be my friend

to help mend

alone inside this room I sit and stare

this hidden loneliness to bear

A Stranger To Myself

a face with scares

invisible traces of time

wounds bleeding

in the chambers of my heart

ears haunted by piercing sounds

neurons in a web created by illness

thoughts caught in an instant

to get stuck- tormenting my entire soul

black tears filling me up

pouring slowly down my cheek

turning my head to look behind

gone

Silent Voice

air is blowing

I feel like throwing

throwing in that famous towel

invisible in this thick fog searching

so be it!

without a shout

over and out

Untitled

crazy

lost in time

drowning in thoughts

numbness all over

anxiety huge as the mountain high

invisible is the image of me

sitting here unable to move

certainly not in a groove

listening to sad tunes

to swim in my sentimental ocean

not a good swimmer

more like a beginner

struggling to keep a float

long gone is that rescue boat

on my own in cold waters raging

wet from head to toe

The Woods In Wintertime

the wind starts to blow

sweeping away a layer of snow

ground is glittering in white

sun is spreading its light

to play with dancing shadows

over the waters- as the ice crystals together grows

forming ice- this thick coat

stuck is that old oak boat

resting nature in chilly days

sleeping in so many ways

trees without leaves so green

soil with no flowers to be seen

a season to even it all up

to empty this life's cup

then to let life get reborn

in the early springmorn

Strange love

a lot of blows

one on my nose

hurting inside

no where to hide

love lives in his heart in a different way

empathy on vacation most of the day

cruel words in anger spoken

my heart in sadness broken

defending myself, hubby and daughter

I only wish the days were shorter

some days are not like most

calm like a soft breeze in summer coast

to hold his hand

feel happiness so grand

look into my boy's eyes

deep blue- reflecting the magnificent skies

hear his tender voice saying: Mom... I love you

heart reacting- eyes in tears and I say: I love you too

those days are OUR DAYS

valuable- in oh so many ways

if only they could come to visit more often

this anger in his mind to soften

The limit

everything in a sticky mess

so now- I do confess

that life is NOT for me

how much harder can it be

no- I want to break free

no way out- you see

trapped in this torment

why- I didn't even pay it any rent

leave me alone to lick my wounds in pain

never to heal because I'm going insane

the limit reached in fading hour

gone is all my power

Forgotten

invisible like the air outside

transparent tears pouring down my face

where are you when my life is fading?

hollow words spoken is that what it is?!

I am down on the ground where are you?

my laughing mask is thrown away

my tormented eyes- are they too much for you?

friends in laughter and joy

through some sorrow too- but not in all

in the deepest pit- I am forgotten

Embrace

you think you know me- but you don't

you try to change me- but I won't

my words say more than the eye can see

they have a deeper meaning to me

search and you will find

the pieces of the puzzle- in my mind

no matter my intentions clear

I can't defeat what lives in here

a parasite never to leave

pure happiness hard to achieve

I try I try I try

you wonder why

why is she like this?

what did I miss?

listen to me with your ear

without judging me from what you hear

I am a human being just like you

not all that bad- to be true

Living dead

what do you do?

when your words are oh so few

what do you do?

when you need to talk

what do you do?

when your voice is dead

what do you do?

when you hunger for love

what do you do?

when you feel all alone

what do you do?

when your body is saying NO

what do you do?

when your mind is in pain

what do you do?

when you feel unworthy

what do you do?

when you need your friends

what do you do?

when you're just NUMB

longing for my friends

but lost my words

lost myself

Nasty smell

untrue words spoken

all confidence broken

hurt beyond repair

left in my own despair

why lie to think I would not know

to leave this nasty smell to grow

do not know what to think

to walk away to let it sink

or confront to hear a reply

because I wonder why

The wrong pair of glasses

looking at me

seeing an image

making a memory

printing it into your mind

the face of me

you say you know me

judging me- by what you have seen

the thing is

it is not me

wrong image

faked face

seen by the wrong pair of glasses

Untitled

fly on wings oh so strong

to find the place where you belong

the air will carry you with a gentle touch

guide you to the room on Earth- you miss so much

feel freedom coming under your feathers

lifting you through all the rough weathers

not far now- you see

to finally feel free

Hurt- why?

hit you over and over again

the words of destruction

love is a glowing sensation of joy

togetherness in its purest way

yet turning into something cold and hard

stabbing your heart with a sharp evil sword

tears and pain- all there is to remain

love is only a memory from fled times

leaving us empty with a hollow heart

screaming out loud in deep torment

the only reply is the echo of a broken heart

The birds

heaven is a place to call my home

sky is blue and sun is shining

a perfect combination

there we fly together you and me

two birds on wings so free

around around we go

up and down

together like one

air is light

your feathers in sparkling white

beautiful creation in life's breath

look down to view all green

magnificent waters in between

two birds unchained like the wind

high up in the air

two birds in harmony flying

mighty power to conquer raging storms

together in all weathers- wet or dry

forever continue to fly

Tears in fear

this is it

one more hit from his fist

I will lay down and cry

go crazy out of despair

lunges running out of air

little tummy sweet

soft hair on pillow- in silent dance

sleep just found her and opened the door

peace calmness for an adorable girl

he ran inside

husband fast- not close enough

my poor baby- I love her so

she received another blow

comfort- hugs- words of love

can not make up for the force of hands

crying eyes- a worried face

love you both

one is easy

the other one- tough

give love in words and many ways

still love inside him never stays

Maybe

time to leave this place

maybe walk away with grace

no- can not hold my head high

I guess my wings aren't meant to fly

to what use am I

whining between every sigh

my love is not to touch

although I care so much

far away in foreign land

maybe it is here I should stand

alone in tears and raining heart

falling into pieces- part by part

My brain

my mind is crying

all thoughts colliding

connection between nerves

contact failing in the sharp curves

memory is fading in the still of the night

tired oh so drained- nothing feels right

rest a few moments, to let the wires of my brain

find the strength I need to stay sane

10:th wedding anniversary today

ten years gone

where did they all go

time flies

hard to keep up

looking at son and daughter

then realizing it is true

to see each others good sides

and those not so nice

that is part of the journey

a bond between two persons

to last through out the years

when times are oh so rough

we both feel like giving up

your hand is mine

my hand is yours

together to walk the path of life

my heart in pain- when your day is gray

my heart in joy- when I hear your laughter

you are my companion

a husband- a father

our family is wealthy- having you

The silence is broken

with a howl

and a blow

kick and a scream

fists in the air

eyes in pitch black

he is back

last night with a smile

laughter and hugs

presents to give

to us three

words upon words

telling the story

love in his eyes

missed us so much

up and down

left or right

smile or cry

confusion all over the place

puzzled boy in universe

love in my heart

tears in my eyes

body in pain

mind in despair

yesterday tomorrow today

the same way

high and low

happy or sad

all days the same

still it is like this

I love the little guy

so much- I cry

Mime

shadows dancing at the back of the stage

life's scenery in greyish black rage

struck to the cold merciless floor

crawling on bloody knees to reach that door

gasping for air

in complete despair

vision is blurry like seen through a bottle aged by time

I am faking- in this play- I do mime

head in a mess

eyes crying distress

mouth is dry- jaw is tense

all life's days in remembrance

Winter

Nordic wind in my hair

freezing cold is the air

feathers falling from the winter sky

all flowers they do cry

under the white glittering snow

nature's magnificent show

winter time wearing a sparkling crown

flakes keep falling down

before we know the spring is back with open arms

to greet the flowers back with all its charms

Mixture

merciless days passing by

leaving bloody stains on the ground

tears to mix it all around

the face in the mirror

is not mine

hollow eyes starring

searching to see the light

in this dark foggy night

Chains of gold

when I woke up this morning

I felt like running

no- not jogging

but to escape from it all

you see- I feel so small

useless in power

heavy chains of gold

held me back

to keep me on track

an animal in despair

caught- in lack of air

frustration in anger

sadness covering my creation

love in happiness

love in anger

love in sadness

love in confusion

tomorrow

a new day

chains of gold

will still hold me back

'cause this is my home

love is my friend

Give me strength!

waiting for tonight

the end of today's fight

disaster awaits my home

in deep sadness I roam

my faith in future days

keep me going through this long phase

a time of tears- fear- confusion

without the means to reach a solution

"not more than you can endure"

holding on to these words so pure

please, give me strength to walk on steady feet

until future days of joy are here for us to greet

In pain

sitting here in pain

guess I should not complain

others got it worse

companioned by a nurse

life is tough

in days so rough

today up and running around

tomorrow wearing a frown

you never know what your day will bring

if you will cry or sing

a broken toe in tape

better than a crushed heart ready to escape

time will heal the pain I feel

to mend a broken heart- an entirely different deal

Crying soul

sitting in silence listening to music

tears in my eyes- torment in my heart

dreaming away from what is

letting the tones float together

covering it all up like a thick blanket

just can't take the dark colours in the air

closing up in a world far away from home

thoughts in total disharmony

let me rest in your safe arms

feel love

compassion- for a crying soul

Lost inside

nothing but a dreamer

a midnight screamer

walking in mist

clenched fist

to see but yet blind

one- way- track- mind

wait in eager for that day

once here- not to stay

lonely- lost in smoke and burning fire

fill me up with your desire

future- in hand shaking

calmness- outside faking

leave me be- to find my heart

to heal- what is torn apart

Mama loves you!

my heart in severe pain

where is the gain

seeing the tears in his eyes

hearing his loud cries

trying to get a hold

make him do as told

a child in deep agony and fright

how much longer will we all endure this fight?

my blood, my flesh, my son

a silent wish that this could pass you by

my boy- I know - you wonder- why?

mama loves you so much

feel it in my gentle touch

view it in my eyes blue

because my son- I will never leave you

your hurt shows in many ways

please know- I'm here for you- all days

Faked smile

useless

meaningless

in distress

silent

feeling

not revealing

afraid of life

this sharp cutting knife

questions

upon questions

no answers

lost in my own mind

the way out so hard to find

camouflaged in a black coat

maybe the dock already has let go of the last boat

hiding in anxiety and tremendous heartache

doing the best I can to fake

this smiling feature

nothing more than a sad creature

looking for comfort in the arms of love

to surround my body- warm me up like a winter glove

Morning glory

in the morning light

I wake up ready to fight

another day

in this life astray

may this day bring some pleasure

instead of all energy eating pressure

not knowing what will come to greet my hours

just like opening papers wrapped around flowers

whether you like what you see or not

this is what you have right at this spot

be grateful for the little things

to drown the sound that sorrow brings

when night time comes to end the day

you will know- that glory once again will find your way

Maybe

maybe I am not much of a writer

more like a mind fighter

revealing my heart- my entire soul

walking unsteady towards my goal

my words might not be correct all times

the thread might break in my rhymes

my heart though- is intact

in there- love is flowing- in fact

Not mine

these words- they are not mine

I simply borrow them- from time to time

letters forming words- line by line

when the time is right- they might even rhyme

LOVE

KÄRLEK

FAITH

TRO

FRIENDSHIP

VÄNSKAP

PAIN

SMÄRTA

words in different light

still they mean the same

to you and me

oceans apart

to use your language is an honor

a joy to eye and ear

sometimes I write in fear

feeling unsure of the unknown

"learning by doing"- so they say

that is what I hope- on my long distance way

The explanation of a heart

once my heart went broken

time after time cruel words spoken

history days in youth

loneliness confusion holding hands

print my name on your heart

only to later wipe it out

agony and shame in the chamber's of my heart

taken behind the light not to see

why?- I ask my own heart

are you so soft and easily torn apart?

you did not give a sound for years and years

still hurt hurt hurt

uncovered open to view

there on the ground

constantly pulsating

broken without any kind of explanation

red fluid on brown soil

Fear

the confusion was clear

felt a chill of fear

tears around my eye's sphere

is the end near

no- it can't be true

not with you

collecting my thoughts to really see

nothing more than a feeling- fooling me

Doubt

hollow

crying inside

echoes fading away

why?

I wonder

frozen

standing still

thoughts colliding

one way road

in foreign land

on my own

trying harder

frustration

locked up in prison

key in my hand

my arm is tired- paralysed

set him free

once again

can I?

Years in loving tears

joy

glorious joy

excited over the top

a baby

a son

a new life had just begun

tears in mother's eye

all the pain

in an instant forgotten

those tiny toes

miniature hands

silky skin

sparkling blue eyes

8 years passing

time did not stand still

tears in mother's eye

out of sorrow

compassion in deep love

a child with a clever mind

yet oh so lost

in a world

he does not know

blue eyes in fear

anxiety burning in his soul

touching the mother's heart

flames so hot

heart in tears

love is huge

the fruit of human

connection in flesh and blood

to endure days

weeks and years

-For you- my son... all days...

my love is yours to carry inside

a smile on your face

a good-night-hug

healing

lifting heads up

to view a new day dawning

a day of love

Tick Tick

in my hand a glass of wine

I wonder when this life was mine

lost in days- hidden by time

hours with no reasons no rhyme

this is my place in this very moment

to hear the clock ticking only to torment

may tomorrow be a day to remember

not like flowers dying in September

to feel faith in future days under the sun

view calmness and having fun

Thought I knew

assuming

consuming

life is a journey blooming

red colours fading

into darkest black trading

you look around

no flowers on the ground

no birds in the skies

only walking leg's silent cries

tired astray

walking this dangerous highway

road sign up ahead tell you where to go

rough wind begin to blow

snow flakes are falling in a summer day

covering the signs to no longer be seen

you thought you knew- but you have lost your way

now you are more confused- than you have ever been

Love

in the midnight hour

I feel the power

of our love living inside

no reason to hide

surrender to that loving feeling

the best way of healing

to see the glory in your eyes

as bright as the stars in the skies

open right in front of me

your love for me to see

my body is your guitar

you play it from a far

every string on my neck

investigating this old forgotten wreck

some new paint and a sail

back on the invisible trail

sit down to rest

put your weary head on my chest

a guitar to play

a boat to sail away

leave the past in the mirror to never look back

walk with steady legs on this track

know that you are never alone on this road

carrying that merciless load

Tired of…!!!!!!!!!!!!

tired of hiding

my mood is sliding

down into that dark pit

not supposed to feel hurt- not even a tiny bit

well... I am suffering!

the pain's door entering

in there I toss and turn

my thoughts- they burn

like hot flames of fire

life's lethal desire

horrible hours

fading flowers

tired of hiding

this wild furious horse riding

I want to jump off- but I am glued to its back

so I am stuck- with my companion in black

My fault!!!!!

my genes

my fault

unfair to those I love

mercy- please!

struck-

beaten to the cold ground

I can only hear the sound

of crying hearts

unworthy-

less than air

deep despair

Short circuit

too much

can't relax

my head is burning up

with ache and thoughts colliding

short circuit time after time

no way to mend what is broken

I scream out my agony as my brain shrinks

leave me alone

hush! be silent!

my mind is lost inside my skull

Eyes in fear

in his eyes tremendous fear

filling up tear by tear

his voice is loud

like noise from a riot crowd

glass thrown in the air

out of total despair

seeking for a way out

with fists and shout

knives hidden

to touch is forbidden

holding you close

my fragile rose

mom loves you

with a love so true

so does your dad

although he is sad

your sister is your friend

morning until day's end

A sister's love

not easy to be in your shoes

morning until bedtime blues

some verses might give relief

refrain is holding a bag of grief

look into your mother's eyes

in where all love lies

I see you my daughter sweet

I wish you a better tomorrow to greet

you are hurting walking behind

trying to see and find

a way to endure the pain

some comfort to gain

my arms are yours to wrap around

your trembling soul and crying sound

Untitled

with a blushing face

sitting here in a daze

friends writing about me

beautiful words to set free

if only I could take them to heart

in that way I'm not at all smart

useless in days of the darkest hour

gone is all my internal power

to read your words make my eyes wet

because I love you- the friends I haven't even met

let me tell you about my life

under the vision of a knife

I feel lost and astray

both night and day

love is a new thing

it has a certain ring

telling me who I am

even so- WHAM!

I'm nothing under this sun glowing

during the storms heavy blowing

you touch me with words of empathy

now please- help me to embrace your sympathy

to trust is not my way

to believe in what you say

thoughts constantly spinning

battle after battle winning

hit the brakes- please

to give some instant release

---------

leaving this place

with tears on my face

can't be here anymore

sticky mess of oil covering my shore

have to find my way

sit down and pray

my mind is lost

to what cost

only half a mother

no real use to another

it won't slow down

instead it hits me so roughly to the ground

who am I

sigh

I look to see

who it might be

I see two figures

my heart it triggers

to feel like this

in total bliss

then back to darkest black

it weakens my back

can't stand tall

no I'm only a little ant so small

don't miss me

because you never ever really knew me- you see

you can't touch my mind with your hand

I know... it's sad... that I understand

Return

tail between my legs

returning from insanity

it all had to go away

hiding place not so comfortable after all

felt like ripping of my skin

drilling a hole in my skull

all the sticky mess to pour out

no... my brain is mine

the chambers of my heart in pain

flesh and bone

time to let go of shame

realise who I am

learn to embrace my crying soul

Against

no way out of this dilemma

sadness laughing to haunt my mind

to want- but not to have

to view- but to close my eyes not to see

my heart is aching

and I'm faking

a mind in trouble

my own pollution filled bubble

to know joy

but not to reach out and fetch it

weakness pushing me down to my knees

please, bring me some peace

Trapped

two lives- yet one

years after years to run

although no way out

every hour I shout

no, you can not hear my voice

I cover it up with my thought's noise

living in a land of illusion

without a healing solution

two faces taking turns

in my soul my blood burns

into solid grief

robbed by a cruel thief

I walk on my knees

paying all life's fees

longing for one thing

eternal completion to bring

to stand tall and once and for all, leave my hide-out

to own the love I need- to feel what it's all about

Alive in softness

to see with new eyes

without a disguise

mending what was once broken

to hear gentle words- a love token

cotton filling up this heart of mine

silver threads wrapped around to shine

glowing like diamonds under the moonlight

your talking eyes- never to leave out of sight

sensations embracing my every cell

emotions in nerves- to always dwell

sadness in this haunting place

although- the very moment I hear your voice- my heart begins to race

Fading memories

even the hardest steal is bending

to the powerful love you're sending

when darkness in pitch black

is covering up every track

you're the firefly that lights my way

so tiny on this earth- even so- brightening my day

you run your fingers through my hair

for a moment all gone- is my despair

safe in the arms of love

I reach out to touch the sky above

high up- birds are flying

in pure contempt I am sighing

to go walk from my cold dungeon into the soft green meadow

my mouth eating apples oh so mellow

set me free in this moment of glorious peace

as my anxiety decrease

sad memories fading under the sunny sky

to finally look as though they will give in- for my silent cry

The Circle

caught in the fisherman's net

smothering out off breath

the evening is here

my mind is all but clear

sensations running through my flesh and bones

I can actually hear my heart as it moans

to know that ancient invisible truth

covering my soil my sky- filling my air my water ever since youth

footsteps digging deeper and deeper into the merciless ground

help me to walk forward instead of in this circle- round and round

Sore feet

astray- lost the track

better of in a sack

walking around

on rocky ground

please- no more

my feet are sore

leave me be

can't you see?!

I am strange

sanity out of range

struck by sadness

to find no gladness

down on my knees

crawling so no one sees

this fool in life's chain

lost in a tormented brain

I don't think

I don't think

I can sort it out

I don't think

I can stop this inside shout

I don't think

anybody knows

I don't think

you know how it grows

I don't think

my smile is true

I don't think

I will get through

I don't think

my tears will dry

I don't think

you know my cry

I don't think

I am just like you

I don't think

you can see when I feel blue

I don't think

I deserve your love

I don't think

the rain will stop pouring from above

I don't think

tomorrow is my day

I don't think

flowers will create beauty on my way

I don't think

pain

pure utter torment

screams of the heart

imprisonment

torture twisting the marrow

mouth will give no words- mute

legs severly torn into pieces

lying on the moist cold cement

dying inside

Mental glue

one by one

two by two

oh no- stuck in this mental glue

thoughts colliding

sanity subsiding

trying to swim

my eyes too dim

lost direction

the sun's reflection

rescue this weak diver

life's lonely driver

Gentle rain

thorn bushes growing in dry desert land

wandering along on the hot burning sand

the burden is heavy on tired shoulder

as hours passing by and the air gets colder

two wanderers on this Earth

feeling misunderstood since birth

together no longer alone

stepping on every sharp stone

healing each other with words of love

to find a new tomorrow under the sky above

one morning to surprise- to set free

a gentle rain to fall on you and me

taking with it- all sorrows- down to ground

never ever again to be found

Calmness