The tree
Want to be strong as the tree
in the gentle wind feel free
leaves hanging there up in the sky
rain is its only cry
with roots standing so tall
endures it all
the storm yes, every hard weather
it keeps itself together
The tree older than any man
I am its true fan
Pieces
pieces, pieces to collect
building a puzzle
cannot see the picture to be
eyes starring, no pattern
pieces, pieces to fit together
cannot lift them up
my fingers are numb
pieces, pieces all in darkest black
no shadows no marks
no image to be seen
pieces, pieces yet no way
to put them together
left in confusion
I give up
Together as one
Come closer
do not be afraid
open your heart
feel free to say the words unspoken
my ears are for you
let your mind get some peace
I will walk beside you
help you carry the weight
together as one
we will walk steady on the path of life
giving each other energy
when we feel like the spark is forever gone
I am here for you
you are here for me
together we are stronger than any furious storm
keep your hand in mine and I will never let go
New day
woke up to this new day
eyes hurting, sore, too much crying
dizzy, weak, numb
new day, will you bring me more hours of misery?
then I will not greet you!
keep away from me!
new day- your minutes have been counted
I will not feel them, they are not for me!
new day- feel no pride, being here!
you are not so special, not so new!
I have met you before
and I still do not want you around
no, you are not for me!
Snow
In the time of winter
white glittering flakes falling down so gently
from the winter sky
Whiteness covering grass, every stone
soft so soft nature's bed-quilt
Eyes stunned by the brightness
beauty of it all
Stars in the darkest hour
snow on the surface of Earth
a composition mighty like few
See ME
this feeling stuck inside
now I will to you confide
I'm just a wanderer on this Earth
been invisible ever since my birth
see me with your eyes
to get the picture- which in there lies
x-ray can not find more than the human eye
so look carefully - please try
I want to let you know
let your knowledge about me grow
because I love you so
so please don't ever let go
keep my hand in yours
walk beside me on the sea shores
to see the sun rising in the morning
the waters to feel this yellow globe- warming
walk with me all day long
sing to me your song
when the darkness come rolling in from up above
keep me safe with your deep love
two pair of eyes to greet the peaceful black
until the bright light is slowly coming back
Chances put at zero
freezing empty
time flies
left behind in the cold
tears frozen eyes in pain
footsteps leaving no trace
temperature falling
heart is calling
mayday
mayday
slowly breathing
air in stiff lungs
how much longer
when is the time
numbness coming
feel no more
snow keep falling
covering up
rescue lost in blizzard rough
searching looking
listening
flash lights playing
no more
nothing
gone
zero
Stuck
You speak to me
I listen to your words
my mind starts to spin
what did that mean?
why those words?
am I a fool
to believe in the words spoken?
questions
thoughts
standing in line
to join
the merry-go-round of my mind
destructive thoughts
in a million angles
I am stuck
in the quicksand of disbelief
Good night, World!
time to sleep
not to weep
tomorrow will be a good day
at least so they say
so Good night you all out there
pick up that silly nightcap to wear
soon the sun will arrive to show it's light
yet a new day to continue this fight
Good night, World!
Over and out!
Sweet Fruit
oh how sweet isn't the fruit of forgiveness
how soft like cotton around your heart
how will love grow in this world without forgiveness
human beings walking around breathing the same air
drinking the same water
the same sun shining on us all
who am I to judge you?
who are you to judge me?
yes we hurt each other
yes we fail to understand each other
yes we make mistakes
the sweet fruit of forgiveness
ought to be given with a gentle hand
to be eaten by those in remorse
peace- the bond to keep humans united
Unmerciful feelings
Made of cement and steel,
uninvited rules my mind
So heavy and hard to handle
Cannot throw them away
So tired, so weak
No power, to seek
Empty
Feelings with sharp claws
hooked in my brain
making a huge bloody stain
Long for joy and happiness
instead of this dreadful mess
Walking on the bottom of the ocean
no air, in my lungs
Need to get up to the surface
See the sun shining so bright
The soft clouds caressing my mind
Crying Laughter
the crash is near
I can sense the fear
crying laughter
what am I after
tears are pushing to get out
don't know what it's all about
this weird feeling
far from healing
who am I
need to be my own spy
find what lies inside
maybe learn to feel some pride
head is hanging heavy from my neck
I feel like a living dead wreck
hold your arms around me close
if you only knew how I need those
keep me safe from harm
under your caring arm
crying laughter
what are you after
The end of the rope
trying to hang on to faith
arms in tremendous cramp
cause the time has gone by
year after year
week after week
day after day
hour after hour
still not managed to reach the top
this tree too huge to climb
to much wind is trying to knock me down
raindrops keep falling, from the rising of the sun
until the deep orange sunset in the late afternoon
a circle going around around
never to stop
the rope is wet getting terribly difficult to hold on to
can see myself falling down to the merciless soil
but I know pain- how much more could I suffer
please take my hand, lift me up
let me cry in your arms, out off danger
on a strong thick branch, with you
to rest my tired eyes on the magnificent view
my power my energy, slipping away
so please, rescue me
I'm at the end of the rope
The Tongue
Kiss the love of your life
Taste a juicy fruit
Speak words of love
The Tongue
little but yet so huge
can make a heart beat faster
can also cut deep as a sword
The Tongue
treasure this tiny muscle
feel it touching your teeth
it will obey you
only you
The Tongue
use it to do good
don't let it out in the open
when rage is its only language
let it form beautiful words
The Tongue
a gift from our creator
The Human body
blood in roads of veins
water holding life in its sea
nerves reacting, feeling
sending impulses to the boss
spinal cord getting its share too
muscles big as well as tiny- working for us
spine holding us up to let us walk
a list as long as the eternity
it would take to describe our body
so let us treasure it with our lives
knowing that we have been formed
by a loving creator
.
nothing but a single dot
you do not see me
you never notice me
you step on me
for I am just a little dot
this dot has reached the end
of the sentence
did you see the dot
before the sentence after
no- just kept on reading
cause I am just a tiny dot
One moment in time
had to let go
caught by time
unwillingly walking away
ending- bitter sweet
joy pleasure- to keep in mind
one moment transforming into a glorious memory
one moment to treasure for life
one moment- now- then- gone
boom like a balloon, air disappearing into the blue
air never to be filling that balloon ever again
a balloon- so fragile but yet so powerful
its weakness can be seen- laying there on the ground
empty useless- a former shell to harbour strength
the human camera can yet still recall its mighty flight
so light- but yet so hard- filled with human breathing
drawn on the surface of the retina- never to be erased
Springtime
the sun is back to greet our day
birds in every tree
listen and hear their joyful singing
sky is blue as the ocean deep
snow is melting into water
soil is drinking with eager
flowers appear from within
faded grey turns into glowing colours
spring is time for waking up
lift up your heart from sleeping
put I smile on your face
feel how nature is growing
blooming with steady steps
let it give you some of its strength
to carry on living
to stand tall like the flowers
in springtime
The place
darkness
thick as grease
stumbling around
searching
agony twisting my heart
black clouds above
dark brown soil
heavy corners of my mouth
high pressure in my eye socket
salty water held back
breathless lungs
let me leave this place
Victorious
Nordic winds keep coming in
to chill my heart within
freezing my veins so fast
how long will this pain last
tears rolling down my cheek
oh, I feel so weak
come ease this hurt of mine
make me feel just fine
life is oh so confusing
seems like I'm always losing
I will yet fight this mean game
to let misery go in shame
Keep going
talk is silver
silence is golden
when times are rough
feels like you've had enough
look inside to find your peace
make it happen- release
some things you can not change
they are just simply out of range
keep your mind sane
erase every dark stain
see the light on your road
put down that heavy load
leave the past behind
new treasures you will find
The bird's nest
High up in an old oak tree
the bird has to create a home
much effort it will take for you, little bird
it has to be solid and strong
not to be caught by the rage of wind
secure and warm without any heating
stuff it well little bird
because the cold air
will soon enter the sky
one room will carry life
of more than one little bird
eggs, to hide tiny baby birds in its shells
please, make your nest a safe place
when the sun arrives
carrying spring in its beams
us humans will listen to your crescendo of tones
feeling reborn after the cold dark winter
Danger
A sign up ahead
in sharpest red
letters forming this word
sirens can be heard
too far away to see
hmm which word could that be
driving closer- eyes starring
hmm what is that man wearing
oh it's the member of a rescue team
someone must have fell into that furious stream
DANGER- the word becomes so clear to me
a person stuck in the car struggling to get free
the seat belt will not let go
the car is filling up with water OH,NO!
makes you think further than before
trying to stay alive he's fighting more and more
life is fragile- can so easily run through our fingers
memories of those not with us anymore still lingers
please let us value the life- received in our hand
even if we don't like the label and the brand
because it's a gift to hold on to
both for me and for you
Listen
can you here it whispering your name
can you feel it touching your hair
the soft warm summer breeze
taking you for a slow ride
close your eyes and see inside your mind
children laughing
birds singing in the light blue sky
grass so soft under your feet
you're breathing the air of life
seize the moment
fill your heart with peace
harmony for a soul in need
The Indian
he picked up that well structured feather
combined it with this little piece of smooth leather
two items that meant a lot to his pride
because he knew to hold nature inside
women and children needed it to grow
to eatable herbs, berries and seeds to their eyes show
the men were brave riding on horses to find
some preys to hunt- stomachs to stay kind
buffaloes... this mighty view to one's eye
the treasure for which they would spy
to feed the tribe- young and old
they had to return with meat to hold
the people of nature keep them in mind
a certain way of living they did indeed find
Breathing oooooooooout
used words so many
I wish I could for each one get a penny
then I would be rich
unfortunately still in this deep ditch
he really listened yes understood
made it easy not to hide under that hood
his words of compassion- his calm way
that combination made me feel less astray
I am tired
but more inspired
this fight is not over yet
I still have to sweat
in this life I am only an untrained beginner
in time I will walk my head held high- as the winner
The Secret
it is there hidden inside
where it will continue to hide
want to shout it out so loud
no way- I can not reveal it to the crowd!
kept inside for a long time
well it is not a crime
but it is heavy enough to carry around
trying to force my knees to the ground
the secret is to be forever locked behind door and key
it can never ever be let out to be free
Think
the night is dark
far away in the distance you hear a dog bark
shivering in the cold humid air you walk with stiff feet
it is wintertime- snow covering the street
all you want to is to get in to that fire place
sit down on a chair by the table to say grace
eat that warm potatoes with sauce and meat
your stomach makes a sound of contempt- the food to greet
you have a house... you have a home... food… clothes… heating- yes
that guy sitting there outside on a news-paper rubbing his hands- his life is a mess
think... yes think...
all he has is what is in that bottle... to drink
be satisfied with what you've got
others they have nothing... no, they have not.
Never good enough
you make me feel so bad
yes my heart so sad
I hurt so much
don't you know how your words touch
touch inside my fragile soul
makes it even harder to reach that goal
I want to feel the wind in my hair
feel free- but life is not fair
can't you see I'm trying
although my whole body is crying
when will you tell me- I love you
not to make me feel so blue
I need you to care
because this pain is so heavy to bear
am I a complete failure in life
should I maybe make friends with that knife
I feel so small
time after time I fall
please show me mercy please
I only want peace
I hunger for your words of compassion
starving in need for a huge ration
why am I the one forced to silence
my heart enduring this cruel emotional violence
Looking down on me
sadness inside my chest
when I lay my body down to rest
who am I to you
yes you
am I a sad figure made of air
what is it you want me to declare
that you're the one so much better than me
the one in first position to see
to look down on me when I'm falling
never to lend me your hand when I'm calling
Dying inside
sad
mad
lost
crying
tears many as raindrops falling
I can no longer hear you calling
heavy chain around my neck
nothing more than a wreck
I hate me
can't you see
been going on for too long
impossible to sing a joyful song
on the ground... dirty... cold
been once and for all sold
to the screams... tears... weirdness of it all
don't want to continue to crawl
Learn how to fly
my little darling... please don't cry
soon your wings will get ready to fly
I know... your friends are flying up in the light air
I feel your sadness- my sweet baby bird
mama loves you more than you'll ever know
to fly is fun- but there are things more important
you need to grow... to learn the outside world
the map I will give to you- my sweet little girl
soon enough your wings will get eager to move
to be riding the winds above in that clear blue sky
Go to bed, OCD!
aha...
you are already awake
you fake!
why couldn't you stay in bed
suffocate yourself with that pillow instead
I don't want you to be a guest inside my brain
to leave all your thoughts making a huge stain
you have not been invited- so just go!
this is not your show!
I close my eyes- open them... you are still there
leave me be- you are only a burden to bear
go to bed, OCD!!!!
yes, you heard me!
I will not give in
to see you with that silly grin
go to bed!!!
wish you were dead!
Expiring flame
dying fire
nothing to really inspire
no air to feed the flame
a place without oxygen is my claim
orange colour only to puff
because it leads a life so rough
fire gasping for air
soon this ordeal will be too much to bear
smother it just a tiny bit longer
never to be able to get stronger
only grey ashes left of these coals once black
fire forever gone never to come back
The Flower
can you see that flower standing there in all its beauty
it does not know much about this world
with sparkling colours to calm our eyes
proudly presenting a scene with glorious power
one single flower... glowing like the sun itself
wonderful as the only one... even more amazing in the company of others
surrounded by friends drinking The Water of Life from Mother Earth
together they create a pattern amongst the deep green grass
growing so tight beside one another
to keep standing tall- even in the rough wind
the flowers are you and me
so valuable each and everyone of us
together we are strong
building a texture out of feelings...
thoughts...
hopes...
colours- magnificent, to The Eye of The Heart
come let us drink together
to wet our dry throats
This is the day
today
is a new fresh day
with hours never used before
no second hand seconds
unknown things can happen any time
just wait and see- a bright surprise might arrive
you never know what this day will bring to you
an unwritten chapter in this life of yours
too tired- don't want to get up
too sad- want to stay in bed
what if this is the day
the day to laugh
the day when tears are dry
this is the day
to feel hope
U-turn
bright light
up for the fight
smiling face
life embrace
lighter walk
happier talk
BOOM
square one
no more fun
eyes sad
feeling bad
gasping for air
so unfair
blood is freezing
pain is teasing
sunshine on my back
legs walking on a wrong- way- track
Forgive me
my words of love- I give to you
in pain we try to endure
this life in so much hurt
confused, walking side by side
please, let us hide no more
you are my safety
you are my man
you stick by me day by day
been looking too far away
I am sorry
did not see the love in you
your mouth did never open
the key of love
made you talk
how grateful I am
to you my man
for the love you hold inside, for little me
now I see your heart
hand in hand we will ride this storm
today, tomorrow, every day yet to come
forgive me my love
I am yours
The right receiver
I gave you a flower
you knew it was fragile
it was there on your palm
you closed your hand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that flower
worth nothing in your eyes
I wish I never gave it to you
you were not the right receiver
but tell me
how can you ever know for certain
who to give your flower to?
Black
the colour black
I carry around on my back
don't wanna sleep
only wish I could weep
my eye in pain
but I should not complain
there are those in misery worse than mine
I will put on that mask- everything is just fine
the truth is- I'm scared to the very marrow of my bones
to carry black, is the same as carrying heavy stones
Your eyes
eyes so sad
showing
revealing
tears
eyes
your eyes
are my eyes too
your eyes
reflecting in mine
your tears are my tears
close your eyes
rest a while
feel calm
feel safe
open your eyes
I will still be here
Faked smile
why laugh
when you only feel half
because it's good
that I've understood
but it's so hard
to pick the right card
not easy to force a smile to come
when you can't see the light from the sun
to pretend is maybe not the end
makes it easier to come through the bend
or does it really
tell me sincerely
when you laugh out loud
do you feel like you're walking upon a cloud
or does your mind tell you that it's fake
this huge smile you're trying to make
I know I'm thinking too much
caught once again by this merciless clutch
A fool once again
words are soundless
voice is silent
why is that?
have I done wrong?
want to listen
but all is kept in silence
not spoken to my ear
am I not the one for you?
maybe there's another
you're waiting for
am I just a comfort
when no one is there?
I don't want a part of such game!
been there before
it's pure pain!
using my heart
is that what you're up to?
if it is I'm gone!
hurt before
hurt today
not tomorrow!
The light
new day is dawning
I'm sitting here yawning
want to go back to bed
will this day on me any light shed
I sure hope so- you know
in need of that certain glow
lost on this travelling road
crawling because of this heavy load
try to lift myself up on legs unsteady
when will they ever be ready
to take steps in the right direction
to greet the morning lights reflection
shining through my window so bright
absolutely worth one more fight
Fading
always try to be nice
is it worth the price
when kind is not enough
life is unfairly rough
good, wanted- for some time
then, gone is all the chime
useless
in a mess
left alone in distress
everyone wants you to confess
yes I am the guilty one
to feel no dignity, under this sun
because when you have eaten up what is inside of me
you take off to another flower like a bee
this flower is dying
nothing left for any bee flying
time has gone by
many times been told nothing but a lie
let this flower rest in fading colour dry
nothing more to give because it is about to die
Strange days
puzzled
heart in joy
yes- joy
mind is sleeping-
then again- not
lost in thoughts
vision blurry
what is going on?
I don't know
do you?
Sorry
nothing left to give
do not want to live
in this thick sticky black oil
crawling around in dirt and soil
covered with darkness and dust
in need to readjust
this life in emptiness
not good at playing this game of chess
strategies are to no use
because all I do is lose
I love you, yes you and you each day
I'm sorry but this pot made of fragile clay
is no longer a good supporter in this play
hollow is my name
fading flame
Reach the light- when
can't find my way back
all I seem to be is stuck
in this valley of grey- mud up to my knees
nowhere to go to find release
how did I end up here
when is the time to erase all fear
my silent screams- no echo - not a sound
here I am wet and cold on the ground
beaten by others... beaten by myself
if only I could reach that shelf
then I would be on my way
no longer here to stay
climb higher and higher towards the light
to finally see an end to this fight
Unknown language
blood is running through every vein
filling your body with life
rain is coming down from heavy clouds
watering the earth with refreshing drops
you speak a language I need to learn
caught in misery in fight for survival
never got used to the words of love
feel a calmness floating into this body of mine
scary but wonderful at the very same time
teach me to receive this language new to my mind
I am willing to learn day by day
this language with words covering my very soul
I want to know the secret of it all
to find ways to believe in the feeling of love
blood is running through every vein
we should not complain
rain is watering the ground on which we are walking
let it rain- doesn't matter if we get wet from head to toe
because rain... is the life of earth
blood rain love
LIFE
You ask me... Why?!
why I am listening to you?
because you are YOU
I see what lives inside of you
what else is there for me to do?
turn my back on someone in need?
no, that's not me
as long as I possibly can
it is my wish to be there for you
though my heart and mind is hurting
I can not see to only me
my eyes wide open
my ears ready to receive the sound of your voice
I know I should listen more to me
but listening to you is all I know
to help you see your beautiful mind and lovable heart
makes me feel meaningful
if I can make just one person feel a tiny bit better
it warms my heart
I need you to need me
my heart is in hunger for love
so please invite me to your heart
Travellers
maybe I'm just a fake
in life a huge mistake
who ever I am for real
is really no big deal
the centre of it all
is that I might be small
but small can be big, when it comes to love
this is who I am- everything else above
carrier of loving feelings towards you
tells you more about me, than my life untrue
take me with you on this travelling road
I will try not to be a heavy load
only want some company on this journey so long
together- we could make each other strong
this invitation goes out to you today
then if you join- please forever stay
Love is
Love is
a healer
a friend
a lover
Love is
longing
trust
hope
Love is
a wish
a treasure
a song
Love is
touching
warm
soft
Love is
a light
a gift
a strength
Love is
life
comfort
enduring
I despise
this body with faults here and there
mind telling lies until I believe them all
heart in pain, wanting to be touched by your hand
I despise the creation of me
how could I not- when I see all stains
you tell me, you love me
my ears wide open
they hear the words spoken
then- my brain takes over
with contemptuous thoughts
judging every part of my own being
I want to trust in what your mouth is saying
but my mind won't let me
I despise the creation of me
need you to be patient
teach me how to trust
I don't have it in me
once upon a time it fled my mind
hurt with scares remaining year after year
I despise the creation of me
want to learn how to embrace love given to me
little by little, step by step
chapter by chapter in this book of my life
I want to learn how to relax
to rest in the beauty of love
Rare beauty
when the shadows from the past
seem to grow so fast
coming closer and haunting your mind
walk straight forward try not to look behind
the history is not who you are
even though it has left a huge scar
days of happiness awaits you
so please see this through
tears from eyes- in sadness drowning
because of other people frowning
with thoughtless words talking
just expect you to keep on walking
blood in need to get warmer in their veins
still you are amazing but caught in chains
you are a woman with inner beauty so rare
always with a gentle heart to share
blinded by their own foolishness
they won't even confess
to admit their faults in old days
that made you hurt in many ways
you are a beautiful flower with nectar to feed others
taking care of your guests- sisters and brothers
we are your companions- never to leave your side
you don't ever need to hide
we know you- your value is priceless
let us be there for you to ease your loneliness
How long?
soothing my entire soul
caressing my mind with gentle strokes
words of gold entering my ears
longing to feel calm
it is brought to me an injection
of feelings to heal my being
darkness is bright
no difference
between night and day
how long will it stay this way
pitch black is the colour I am used to
scared
afraid of waking
to find that it is all gone
Special connection
more than this
more than that
special indeed
same road walking
same way of talking
words in colourful clothes
a box of feelings- running over
signals need no interpreter
code is useless
inner eye viewing them all
reading listening
a glance of your face
know the look
thoughts from the past
we rip them apart
power force
special connection
Grey
when the fog is rolling in
you feel confusion within
grey is the colour to embrace
no choice in how to turn your face
thick like smoke from burning fire
where is the love that you desire
searching with eyes in air so heavy
in struggle to keep legs steady
heart beating fast inside your chest
when will you find a place to rest
Reborn
this morning
new day dawning
air filled with freshness
yesterday meaningless
breathing reborn by sleep
no longer time to weep
now is the time to live
love compassion to give
face turned to the sun
this day has only just begun
To belong
alone
not what we need
belong
hearts to feed
together
mutual understanding
on soft grass landing
love
raise us up above the dark sky
our hearts with wings to fly
you
the herb to heal my flesh
the method to refresh
us
united in this furious hurricane
to keep mind safe and sane
belong
heart to heart in living days
need support in many ways
belong
a synchronized smile
makes everything worthwhile
An End
need an end
no longer pretend
lost in my own confusion
maybe there are no solution
I dread
the things in my head
were did I go
I do not know
lost my direction
along with my protection
transparent is my skin
revealed is my heart within
easy to hurt- with words in cutting red
ought to once again hide inside my shed
like a dog play dead
Piece of art
valuable
so suitable
in my heart
living art
walking around
in my mind's playground
soothing my soul
filling every hole
feel calm
my hand against your palm
passing by every milestone
into the future's unknown
Alone but not
you say you care
believe in it I don't dare
years been passing by
been told lie by lie
wounds not healed
on the ground lies my shield
surrender, give in
no... I want to win
teach my eyes to see
faces right in front of me
be gentle to this heart of mine
let us follow that road sign
find a place to rest until morning sun
waking up far away from that pointing gun
survivors in this play
no longer astray
Silent cry
tears rolling down
pouring like autumn rain
eyes red in sadness trapped
shoulders turning stiff
tension building its nest
lips trembling
mouth dry
head in palms
nobody to hear your cry
because it is not there
Different languages
you say the things, you see as true
I talk my way through every day, just like you
the bond between words is not always strong
many time we do not understand what went wrong
lost in confusion, because of words so many
compassion calmness tolerance love
tools to make bridges between you and me
written words or spoken
the circle to keep unbroken
if we both are willing to believe
there is nothing we can't achieve
deep feeling of togetherness
is what will come out of this process
your words are mine to learn
my words are yours to translate
into feelings, events, actions, thoughts
The Language of Love
spoken through thousands of years in time
yet not old- never to age
the unwritten language
The Language of Love
Come
I might be different
but my heart is just like yours
beating every day
every minute
every second
for life
take me in your arms
need to feel safe against your chest
a lonely wanderer longing for love
teach me to trust
to relax
take me as I am
I will love you in purity
never turn my back on you
all I need, is the love you need too
let me swim in your heart's blood
to come with you on this journey
let me ease your hurt in days of trouble
laugh with you, in times of happiness
want to show you ME
if you let me in
my doors wide open for you to enter my heart
Good morning!
sitting here rocking to some tunes
life is quite wonderful after all
we've got the flowers and the bees
the honey and the trees
music in our ears
birds singing a crescendo of tones
sky in ocean blue
sun shining bright with golden beams
children laughing giving away such release
my heart goes out to you all
you and I are alive to see the little things
see above these walls of pain
you are unique
search your soul
and there YOU are
only YOU
be gentle to the one inside
try not to hide
when the tide comes rolling in
you will learn how to love
what lies within
The Play
tell myself I am ok
fighting this battle each day
truth has caught me in its strong hand
crying- standing on the edge of this stand
this crappy play- this life of mine
worthlessness in every line
throw tomatoes at me
I'm a bad actor- you see
time for the curtain to fall
hide away from it all
Not alone
when you feel like all hope is gone
no point in going on
know it will reach a moment to change
freedom is not out of range
days as deep black as in the very night
can suddenly turn into this guiding light
until the brightness catches your eyes
we will be there beside you watching the skies
you are not alone walking on this dark road
we are here to help you carry that heavy load
Talk
small talk
too much talk
what did I just say
oh no maybe not the right way
see me as a fool
is that what you are doing
how can I know
searching looking for answers
erosion ruining my brain
energy fled to another place
now I stand here all alone
hearing myself talking
about this and that
oh no did I just laugh too much
or too loud
I feel transparent
can you really see right through me
am I only a fake
a huge mistake in life
tell me
I need to know
'cause the way it's going
it's moving fast
I don't know
how much longer my patience will last
to feel peace, harmony inside this creation of mine
is what I need to finally feel fine
Abandoned
who am I really
can't see it all that clearly
they say I have got this disorder
then they act out off order
leaving me on my own to see
what it's all about with me
relax and feel free
is that why I pay them that fee
to be left in my own confusion
making my vague conclusions
tearing my inside apart
yeah they were so smart
me an obsessive thinker of all days
how on earth will I find my ways
easy for them to go on vacation under the summer sun
here I'm sitting having no fun
Torn
torn
between heart and mind
torn
between light and darkness
torn
between laughter and tears
torn
between past and presence
torn
between defeat and victory
torn
between hopelessness and faith
torn
between today and tomorrow
torn
between myself and others
torn
The Memory
dancing all night long
to the vibrations of this old song
crying a tear or two
I remember- do you?
the time when things were new
when the sky looked even more blue
when the birds were singing in every tree
all we felt- FREE as can be
sat on the grass in silence- hand in hand
summer air caressing our skin, smoother than finest sand
calmness all around
only birds singing, above the ground
filling the mind with soft feather's touch
leaving the unpleasant thoughts tormenting so much
to see them fly away never to be seen again
this was the day- that was then
a memory to keep close to heart, to once again feel free
the hour when nature became a part of you and me
Vulnerable
rusty brain
traces stains
old too soon
in lack of tears
caught by fears
learning to walk all over again
scared of herself
others
her own heart and future days
the book is open
read the chapters never shown to man
words of sorrow pain sadness
black on white
white on black
times been good in days few
rough in larger quantities than able to chew
afraid of tomorrow
all strength she needs to borrow
from you, her and him
feeling weak not standing tall
this is her without her shield
please don't hit her with arrows sharp
she would fall in an instance
wounded at heart
The Dethronement
the night takes over the day retreats
will you still love me when the sun returns
the air is humid hot these summer days
the water of life for thirsty souls
to drink with eager like love from a heart
together no longer alone wandering along
in this smothering heat far from a chilly heart beat
never to give in but continue this battle to win
love is a shelter a castle to endure all weathers
so when the night is king fear no harm
the light will throw him off his throne
to rule all by its own
Highway
some day
I hope to leave this way
this highway of racing thoughts
speeding- no limits
take no notice of signs up ahead
obsessions in its prime
stop
no- crash and burn
Marshmallow heart
cold hard vindictive loveless
numb heart made of stone
warm soft peaceful loving
marshmallow heart
taking faking lying spying
user
giving sincere trustworthy believer
friend
Through borrowed eyes
you see me- I see you
let me borrow your eyes
I will lend you mine
you hear me- I hear you
let me borrow your ears
I will lend you mine
I need your heart- you need mine
let me borrow your heart
I will lend you mine
to know myself
is to know others
to know myself
is to give
to know myself
is to see you
to know myself
is to hear you
to know myself
is to treasure your heart
talk to me with gentle words
when you see my stains
tell me in a friendly tone
I know- I can never be perfect
but one thing I know
I try each day passing
to be worthy being called your friend
The day when I decided
never to crawl
never to bend
I am me
I won't pretend
take me as I am
or not at all
my heart beating
not to be stepped on ever again
I may be weak
look into my eyes
yes you are right
I am strong too
words can hit like a fist
guess what? you missed!
I am no longer to be used
I am me
free
no one's prisoner
I have just decided
hmm... I am really not that bad
Unknown feeling
something strange is going on
feel it in the air
in my body- every where
what is this sensation
new- unexplored
unexpected
but ooooooh so welcome
please will you stay
today and many days to come
yes I know now
you told me
your name is-
happiness
Hey, Life!
hey, Life!
you had quite a good day today, hah?!
Thank you, for giving me of your hours!
I know you have been treated in a rough way...
I wish time will see to you some more, from now on
I mean hey...! You need some good feeding!
kid's laughter
fresh air
no despair
hey... you- Life! You even made ME smile today!
Life... psst... I kind of like you, after all...
Naked
taking off my pants
turning them inside out
contents from pockets- falling out
revealing
showing
standing naked on the floor
nothing left to hide
nude from head to toe
exposed
looked at
embarrassed
naked
this life of mine
ashamed
hurt
feeling low
now you know
it all
I do not want this
worthless
Slippery
life isn't easy
way too greasy
walking on this slippery road
shoulders carrying this heavy load
you fall
so hard to stand tall
crawling around
wanting to be found
treated with tenderness
to feel togetherness
I hear you my friend
the frustration which makes you bend
lift your head high
to view the summer sky
calmness to fill your chest
let you lay down to rest
Your laughter
your laughter is seldom there
a visit- with us to share
tonight it came to us- a bright surprise
to make my eye-brows rise
to feel for you- in this happy tone
not to laugh alone
you do so much for me
though you're drained- that I see
your humour is as funny as can be
transforming lips to set them free
your laughter is a beautiful sound
lifting your head up, not to view the ground
when the new day shines through our window glass
will I hear your laughter as refreshing as dew on grass?
you deserve that happy morning mood
that day's prelude
laughter rippling, like water murmuring in a well
only time will tell
If only
your life is lonely
a battle field, day and night
struggling alone, but yet with 11 others
that is a hard blow to take
having to watch every step you take
voices from days long gone
still as vivid as back then
hurt but still alive
breathing the air to survive
right now, sleep is not your friend
soon you two will reunite, in the hand of calmness
if I could erase some of the old words spoken
or the rough treatment, which made you feel so broken
I would do it, in the blink of an eye
life is now... yet also history in action
if only time could heal all wounds!
Good night dear friend
good night dear friend
over the ocean I these words send
you are a light shining bright
to glow like the stars in the black night
your heart is a heart made of compassion
I know- because I've been given a huge ration
my friend I sense your pain
pouring through your vein
but today I saw your happiness shining through
I felt a calm happy feeling for you
you deserve to feel free
please know you're loved by me
Julia
Julia
you know me well
you found me hiding in a shell
you gently took me by the hand
to brush away the sand
bruised by raging waters force
you gave me these soothing words of yours
Julia
your life is sometimes oh so rough
you're still standing tough
not the one to give up in any fight
you've taught your eyes to see the light
a woman with many things inside your creation
walking towards your destination
True hope
hey man from UK
hope you feel OK
that night has been kind to you
to make you fight again with a strong spirit true
days are long
in need to belong
to feel hope- to feed the soul
the rope to climb, up from this hole
on the ground above, your hand we will reach
now- left behind buried in that pit- your screech
Changes
use me
lose me
I'm nobody's fool
that's against my rule
hurt many times in my day
hard to make the pain go away
changes been made
I'm no longer to fade
not less worth than you
this knowledge to me is new
Prisoner
days passing in life's jail
always seem to fail
that candle is still burning
we are always learning
the lesson's of life
cutting deep as a sharp knife
between the cuts, bruises, pain
there are yet, beautiful things to gain
search in the blood red sky at sunset
tomorrow it will be blue, for you to forget
the hours spent in misery
feel like flying - set free
How
sleep is still in my eyes
finding it hard to see through all the lies
my heart is still beating inside my chest
all I want to do is rest
tired of these questions ruling my mind
thoughts, feelings- of the worst kind
somewhere along the road I lost my identity
can't walk back to find security
I left no trace behind me
so how can I find the one I used to be
got to find a new path in futures hand
but how- I don't understand
Keep searching
search to find new roads
on life's old map
short cuts- no they mislead
walking through heavy rains under cloudy dark skies
deserts in the hand of dryness
through green deep forests
on raging stormy oceans
learning how to walk with legs trembling
to dive, swim the sea's of water
climbing over rocks and branches
stumbling
crawling
running
falling
travellers on this Earth
in time's house
every little road, tiny path
is there to lead you right on track
look carefully on the map to see
ask your tired eyes to please not give up
this long, tiring journey- not without meaning
Mask off
to fake
that is my mistake
better to cry
then hiding behind a "lie"
my face can wear this happy smiling mask
I hardly show what is behind it- not even if you ask
hurt in forgotten days
in me they are still alive in many ways
vulnerable to arrows flying in the air
feels better to be left in my own despair
to trust- I'm not the next target to hit
no- safer to just split
though this hunger is burning inside
from which I can never hide
it is so strong
has been there for so long
to feel around my shoulders a safe loving arm
relax breathing slowly to fear no harm
my hand touches my face only to find this shell
take it off with an unsteady hand- in need to yell
keep it in my hand for a while
then I begin to smile
it is back again to cover my face
please- help this actor to feel brave enough to embrace
let others see the face behind this charade
finally find myself stepping out off the shade
The Cage
building a cage in furious rate
to hide the emotions before it is too late
keep feelings not to be touched by any hand
never to let inside- protection is what you demand
these four sides- will be a perfect safety net
on your own- no friends- strangers you have never met
will get inside this escape house of yours
all you see is those who never showed remorse
is this the way to live
lonely not wanting to give
grab the tongs- cut a huge hole to let us in
we know- that you have feelings hiding within
one by one- entering your home today
soon your fear will be washed away
patience is hard to embrace
but soon- you will be going on to next phase
can see the anxiety in your eyes
learn to trust- we don not tell lies
your cage is caving in
you are about to win
there is a deep way of thinking
without the risk of sinking
love is all around
us people- standing on Earth's ground
Warrior down
in the first hours of day in early morning light
waking up already in a thought of giving up my fight
why put my feet on that hard cold floor
to meet all troubles I want no more
only a sad tragic moment
getting out off bed with feelings ancient
yeah I am not the one to roll over to play dead
warrior in well polished armour instead
yet there are spots naked to enemy swords
walking on unsteady trembling legs towards
that giant built of fear anxiety darkness
its mission to make me confess
I am worthy of nothing good
to make sure that I have fully understood
Years in training
who would know- what's circling around in my brain
who would know- my feelings locked up inside
who would know- about the changes
who would know- my hidden secrets
who would know- my certain language
who would know
I would not
Me
The visible me
laughing
cracking jokes
playing with words
laughing
talking TALKING
not always looking into your eyes
trying to be there for you and you and you…
The hidden me
.... hmmm... sure you really want to know???
crying
searching
thinking about this
thinking about that
thinking
thinking
got to know it ALL
every tiny little detail
anxious
scared
feeling lonely
reading in my history book
or you may call it training instructions
if you do like this
if you do like that
RESULT
questions
impulses
thoughts
covering my path like a sticky mess
what do I make of this
what do I make of that
a fool
am I a fool
believing in words of friendship
in words of love
are you just laughing behind my back
PERFECT
need to get every detail right
words- I love
but also hate
PERFECT
writing in English
not my language for real
writing in English
LOVE IT
GRRR HATE IT
PERFECT
useless
love me
love me NOW
love me more
say the words
PLEASE
please
LOST
CONFUSED
guide me
take my hand in yours
always right
yeah ashamed of that
not always right- I know
tell that to my Asperger
obsessions
compulsions
NOOOOOOOOOOOO
........
hmmmm
turning into YES YES YES YES
fighting against my own rough wind
show you
nah
do I have to
you might hurt me
back into my prison cell
behind bars and lock
it is lonely
scary
I'M SCARED TO BE OUTSIDE
VULNERABLE
taking that risk
yes no yes no yes no......
you might hate me
laugh at me
MY INSIDE IN TEARS
please will you love me for who I am
Falling apart
no I just can't face it anymore
thinking like never before
smile has been put into my pocket
all I feel are tears pushing in my eye socket
deceived time after time
in this huge life's crime
I know hope is to follow
in spite of that I feel so hollow
all I want is to rest in silence
without my mind hurting itself with violence
when will this war come to an end
in the meantime I bend
close to the dark brown cold dirty soil
disillusioned with thought's intentions to foil
What I want
what I want
is to embrace you
and you to hold me
what I want
is to see you smile
and to laugh with me
what I want
is understanding
and recollection
what I want
is your mind
and your reflection
what I want
is not always visible
and to touch
what I want
is your ear
and eye
what I want
is to be let in
and to sooth your tormented heart
what I want
is your friendship
and your words
what I want
is to be loved
and to love
what I want
is out of reach
or is it
what I want
is you
and you and you
what I want
is to feel togetherness
and peacefulness
Lonely
sitting here feeling oh so lonely
in a body getting tired and sleepy
night time is here but I don't want it near
your eyes I have not seen in that certain way
sleep won't find me if I leave in this very moment
the night might be here, but yesterday is still not gone
not until you come and talk to me
a piece is missing in this late hour
to renew my inside power
Late hour
here I am
sitting in thoughts
wondering about it all
questions answers
thinking digging
drowning inside
no place to hide
down on my knees
begging you please
see this heart of mine
crying in the black night
on my own to figure it all out
my throat not to shout
suffocating pressure to my lunges
feel like ripping of my skin
searching for comfort within
not the solution
to this late hour's illusion
then- what is
I don't know
Drowning
tired- hit- beaten
by a sensation
running wild
like the river in springtime
too fast too deep
drowning in thoughts
in brain's rapid current
too weak to feel worthy of a fight
forced to surrender
in today's merciless waters
drowning in my own stream
Cloudy
today isn't a good day
not in any way
my mother came in the morning light
it felt like waking up ready preparing to fight
words hurting like a sharp sword through my being
wish I could lie back down, not seeing
I baked a pie with strawberry & raspberry
but it didn't make my heart more merry
I cleaned my boy's room
entire apartment to the sound of the vacuum's vroom
stomach in pain swollen like a balloon
my leg is pounding hurting in need to rest soon
son is mean in words from little mouth's lips so fast
how long will this day last
oh yeah... I remember it has only just begun
many hours left under the sun
no wait.... sun's not shining, that's a lie
grey heavy sky- clouds tears to cry
Rest
as I lie my head down to rest
I feel a sensation running through
power's spark leaving my creation
hours of sadness filled this second end of day
hopelessness in the air- all around
rest is never to be
mind in constant movement
relax- my body does not know the word
in the early morning- building
by noon- it all starts to fall apart
Need love
love is a hunger
felt deep inside
swimming in its waters
both day and night
never to drown
only to find
you
you
take my hand
swim on this planet Earth
loneliness far behind
I thank your mind
for what I did find
love is
love is what we all need
you
me
all of us
Tame the heart
love is a strange thing
much joy to bring
loneliness chasing away
love is holding on- to stay
it came in a bright beam
almost unreal- it did seem
caught- by the light of its glory
is this to be a true story
tame the heart- who can do such a thing
make a heart in deep love stop to sing
it is an impossible task
it reveals everything inside-unmask
Call
called you up- in the morning light
before my bravery gone out off sight
my voice in a hard tone
I do not like being a stone
I had no choice- you see
how else could I make you listen to me?!
it is a shame- to need this BIG letter by letter
what to do- when we need life to get better?
a little boy- in deep anxiety- lost in his confusion
why can't you see- that we need a solution?!
time went by
was it all a lie?
waiting- calling again, again, again
is it going to happen- when?
this is torture- tremendous pain!
so far- efforts been all in vain
tell me- why are you sitting on that chair?!
how can you just sit over there?!
not hearing our hearts screaming
yes- you are even affirming!
the rescue is coming soon
not long now- after the light of moon
your words are useless!
because you know what? you are clueless!
listen LISTEN to FEEL!
we need your hand for REAL!
I guess most of you just do not know
how strong it is- this wind to blow
little boy- in eyes of fear
all I want- is to hold him near
I will not surrender until action is seen!
my mouth will not close- my feet not leave the scene
love is in my heart for these sweet blue eyes
to me- there is no disguise
my son- I feel your feelings in despair
with you- my heart I do share
Back in black
creepy feeling touching me inside, from time's sand in the hour glass. memories haunting my mind in its cruelness. empathy is dead, here on the cold hard floor. why- now again... smothering my throat to see white stars above my head... let go! no more! a prisoner fighting to get out... all there is to do, is to realize that it's all back.... tormenting hurting cutting- deep... searching with tired red eyes in darkness covering all four walls... no- there is no way out... all there is left is to shout... no one to hear my cry... and I wonder why.... why is the night so dark... both by vision and heart... maybe if I just turned all anxiety loose... there would be left- no more blues...
Strong tears
you who are you
I who am I
secrets to reveal
it's time to heal
your tears will be glowing
all your bravery showing
salty water pouring down
face in a frown
let loose all this tension
walk forward towards a new dimension
reach out your hand
together we will create the strongest band
I feel for you
my heart cries out in pain for all of you frostbitten
reading all your words in sadness written
to give you my ear is all I really can do
I wish I could do so much more for you
my mind is in torment
reading about the years in life you have spent
in hunger for love
no light from up above
in need a of a hand
no one there to understand
this ache is deep
makes my inside weep
in my arms- I want to hold you all
make you feel safe- no longer smaller than small
I'm just a woman in a far away land
but in my mind I'm holding your hand
The Past in Fading Hour
the past is also the present
wounds healed on the surface
yet deep in pain
the future is the hope
love is the cure
memories fading in the sunrise
new day dawning
fresh morning to lighten your burden
a day filled with air from the future
the hour to feel reborn
today is the time to have faith in tomorrow
might not be this tomorrow
but one day a new sun will greet your awakened mind
show you the path to lead you through the misery
to feel free
Looking into the fire
feeling disillusioned like a huge fake
mood drowning like a stone thrown into a lake
where do I begin and where do I end
is my being just a false pretend
questions years in time- no answers to my silent cry
just this constant word- why
bubbling up from the bottom ground
a haunting familiar sound
same old feeling of something being wrong
secrets hiding for my own eyes behind a happy song
laugh and you are safe not to get caught
instead stuck in your own mind you fought
filling filling filling your mind
never leaving a trace behind
how on earth can you keep on walking
when you don't even feel like talking
scared into the point of no return
no I will not let myself burn
fire is a force of mighty power
flames tormenting hour by hour
heat is just too much to take
let us escape before it is too late- a big mistake
running running running
crawling crawling crawling
forward forward forward
can still smell the smoke from a distance
tired tongues of fire fading towards no more existence
safe- standing on pure soil untouched by raging fire
I guess it is not me who is a liar
Eaten
eating me up in fury
beating my brain in rage
anger in despair
gasping for air
you- who are you
telling the truth
or are lies coming from your mouth
surrender to the weakness
fear around every corner
who am I to stand
to talk
or even walk
just a tiny dot in universe
see me
leave me
my own second-hand history
No more
no
no
no more
on the sea shore
water raging
ears ringing
tears pouring
lead me to your house
open the door
let me inside
frozen lost
in time's cruelty
close the door
never to be opened again
Rust
tired of thinking
feel like I'm only sinking
drowning in my own mind
where is the shore to find
unable to swim in numbness
feel bottomless
up down
sad clown
water or wine
mood of mine
most of the time choking
still keep on joking
covered with dust
self confidence's rust
Wrong
what is wrong
with this song
it is sad
feeling bad
tones in deepest black
heavy load on my back
trying to stay strong
everything feels wrong
waking up in the early hour
completely out of power
crying inside
wanting to hide
get away from it all
I feel so small
in frustration screaming
feel like I am dreaming
a haunting nightmare
with no one to share
let me loose
I am a goose
pour water on my creation
I will not even feel a sensation
nerves been cut
inside of this nut
running to escape
this emotional rape
my heart is torn
beating- I could have sworn
only a lie
I wonder why
wrong
all along
In love
at my door- love is standing
with a loud voice- demanding
touching my face
with loving grace
seeing me in a different light
you just might
embrace the loving feeling
my heart is revealing
In distress
fogs rolling in
grey within
darkness arriving
blackness thriving
caught by a feeling
all energy stealing
numbness in every cell
no way to yell
heart in torture cruel
sadness knows the rule
in this late hour
out of power
I confess
I am in distress
Good night
good night,
today's fight!
may tomorrow be bright
sun shining its light
need a guide to find my way
no longer walk astray
stumbling around
on earth's ground
searching for peace
to find some release
tomorrow is tomorrow
new day- carrying its own sorrow
now is the time to go to sleep
I'm lucky- I do not weep
Always your companion
when you feel like faith is gone
come lean on me to carry on
when your mind is crying
you feel like dying
I am here to hold your hand
support your legs to stand
when your eyes are tired and sad
everything just feels bad
look into my eyes to see my love so true
together we will reach the top to find power to renew
when you feel all alone in this world of confusion
I will always hold this close to heart- my resolution
when you feel an urge to end it all
I will give you reasons to live not to feel small
that is my place
to put a pure smile on your face
when you wake up in the darkest night
please know that it is not time to give up this fight
time will heal your deep wounds with the morning light
patience is not easy to hold inside
I am here to help you feel some pride
never use your mind to hurt yourself
easier said than done- I know myself
know that I am here for you through hours and days
I feel for you in oh so many ways
Rescue- SOS
why
how
wondering all day long
seem to sing the wrong song
false tones in my throat
in distress this boat
Morse signals sent out
to combine with my shout
tell me who I am in this fight
sinking into the dark night
lift me up with mighty power
to escape this final hour
safe away from the cold- in the calm dock
opposite closing chapter than for Captain Murdoch
I don't get it!
my heart in silent cry
I feel torn apart
my brain in agony
not knowing why
what is going on
why this cruel sensation
need an explanation
slowly strangled
hurting myself
why sad in happiness
no rhyme no reason
scared of my own mind
The Maze
death
in blue eyes
tears on soil
numb
no sensation
help me
want out
in this maze
around around in circles
air thick heavy
can't do it no more
on the cold floor
motionless
in total distress
Run in haze
not much longer
I can't get any stronger
I want out
with a shout
leaving it all behind
pretending to be blind
no use to think that way
I am forced to stay
a huge part of me is dying
in a lot of tears crying
a fighter worn out behind this shield
with holes, scratches from the battle field
sword in bad shape
better run- cold war escape
wonderer in thick haze
left is a warrior in daze
Erasing days of pain
in this early morning hour I felt a love to recover
erasing more than ten days of pain.
my friend with a golden heart about to get completely torn apart
by the hurt of those meant to be close holding her hand
she showed me her loving expression on a glowing face
waking up feeling so small like dust on this earth
she gave me a new morning birth
holding me close with words of love
I owe her more than I can ever repay
good things happened twice
you never know it's like rolling a dice
with my friend's eyes on the computer screen
my son showed emotions like covered in gold
to feel his arms around my neck
to hear him laugh
to have some fun with my own flesh and blood
yes- erasing more than ten days of pain
sad rough days, fading- vanishing into the air
leaving with all the despair
this morning
a morning surrounded by LOVE
My trust in your hand?
who are you behind that window glass
looking at me with big nosy eyes
am I not just like you
not more of an alien than you
so why are you starring at me
you say you love me
so stop doing that
I am me and you can't change that
if your love was true
you would take me as I am
nothing else demand
you want me to trust in you
how can I
you have got to earn my trust
actions worth far more than words
say you love me and mean it
say you love me and show it
my heart is not a toy
no- not for you to play with
honesty walking hand in hand with trust
otherwise- to be honest, there will be no trust
Fading in silence
fading rose in lack of water
falling apart dry and weak
best days are long gone
hours under the sky
looking up to see that circle in all its pride
yellow spot light reflecting on The Atlantic Ocean
sea water- not for roses
blow wind- blow- in directions far from home
red as blood in human veins
transforming into an old brown guest on Earth
day by day- sparkling grace fading away
before you know it- my beauty will be dead
never ever, to be seen again
flower stood tall in a glorious pose
now-red is gone- water dry- sun is burning
salty tears on brown leaves
left is only the memory of that red coat in pride
dust to dust
Mercy
were are you my bed so soft
can I please join you in my sad hour
hug me keep me warm
ease my body's pain
my mind is sinking
my heart is beating hard
show me mercy
let me rest
yes I know, it is not up to you
you can't be my friend for too long
my awake life has to go on
memories of days in time
worries tears fears
ashamed to show my face
no more words to be said
I feel like I'm already dead
mercy for a tired soul
sleep in bed of peace
Locked doors
who are you, hiding behind these doors
only a peek now and then, not enough to know
never taught to know the word- love
closing up inside your prison cell
somehow I feel your frustration far too well
locked- is the door to your heart- your very soul
will you ever let me inside to see the true you
I have been searching so long for the right key
after ten years in time, looking in every corner
I realize that I will never find what I am looking for
because it is not to be found... to be in my hand
unless you decide to give it to me
you are the one holding the key so very tight
please let me use it to open your heavy doors
my love- we need each other now more than ever
let me see and feel who you are
give me your words, I need them
cry on my shoulder, let me cry on yours
love me, with open doors
Bye
over and out
with a shout
bye cruel day
never again- come my way
head is aching
I am faking
happy face made of clay
hit me- nothing more to say
words are lost in confusion's mind
need this shield- to hide behind
no more fights this day
because it has just gone away
time for darkness- to greet my sleep
hope tomorrow- won't be a day to weep
Sunshine in the rain
sunshine in the rain
to wash away my pain
warm breeze in my hair
to blow away my despair
gentle words spoken
to mend what is broken
arms wrapped around my being
to erase what it is I'm seeing
eyes in glowing love
to make me fly high above
sunshine in the rain
to fade away every stain
warm breeze in my hair
happiness to share
gentle words spoken
the love's token
arms wrapped around my being
mind and heart agreeing
eyes in glowing love
demanding life's misery to shove
My tree
my beautiful mighty tree
standing tall reaching the sky
through your crown of leaves you bring me sunbeams so bright
when the rain is falling you catch the drops to keep me dry
when the storm is raging I hold on tight to you and I feel safe
my tree- glorious in fall's sparkling colors
to know you is to know life
my tears- you turn into tears of joy
tears pouring down my face- on to the soil
for my magnificent tree to drink
days are passing and years will come
you are my tree- until the end of times
Armour skin
can you see through my armour skin
see the things hidden within
to be honest many can not see
what is the real me
getting heavy to wear this iron clothing
pieces lost in recent days
rusty falling apart
quick- put a new one on
or will you embrace me
when this old suit is gone
Tears
lost in tears oh so sad
throat is thick in mutiny
one says yes
one says no
fighting... or
...to let go
hurting blood in veins gone stiff
survive this blow to reach that goal
yes that is what I will do
so pick up that sword you warrior
the battle is still not lost
bring your mind in focus
victory is waiting up ahead
waving its hand to greet you
Thoughts
deep in my mind
you would find
the thoughts of a stranger
in fear for danger
long monologue in despair
lunges gasping for air
too close to reality
not far from insanity
again and again- always
a never ending circle- spinning in both ways
stop this marry-go-round
questions with no answers to be found
trust in what is known
making all life's misery my own
guide myself to find a happier place
rest my brain cells in slow pace
Love submission
love is a feeling you can't resist
touching you through the humid mist
when you feel it coming near
you tremble- not out of fear
a warm wave through body in silent rush
blood's travelling river- in gush
swim with all reachable force
love will still run its course
relax in floating position
experience love's glory- in total submission
Your eyes
in your eyes I find my way
they guide me along the narrow path of life
glittering in a deep thinking mood
in your pupils I find peace- harmony for a starving soul
your eyes- the only true mirror
they hold the image of me
sharp vision- yet with tender love, glowing
they search to reach deep inside
once there- never to look away, ever again
four eyes melting together
you are the golden sun- high above
I am the raindrops falling down on Earth
synchronized- creating the most beautiful rainbow
Reconciliation
hollow inside
eaten up is my pride
my lips not wearing a smile
in deep need to reconcile
united together- heart and mind
in pure feelings combined
misery gone in an instant
to feel reborn as new as an infant
view a world in a better place
magnificent glory in vanishing daze
Apathy
my mouth just won't talk
my feet just not walk
because silence has struck my being
through tears my eyes are seeing
a picture in foggy land
reaching out to find your powerful hand
searching up and down- left and right
clear my vision- rescue from fright
save me in gentle touch of empathy
hold me tight through my apathy
in your arms I will start to grow again
crawling out from my underground den
please stay and take a look
in my heart's secret book
words of gratitude will echo- sunrise until sundown
the sound of a waterfall singing- all misery to drown
Vanishing
a branch falling into pieces
returning to dark mud on Earth
once tall- in pride wearing a glowing crown
merciless thunder- lightning cruel
fire destroying- vanishing beauty
destruction all around
death on ground
The emotional river
tears as many as the stars in universe
never ending river of salty water pouring down
say words carrying emotions- see my wet eyes
no lock gate, strong enough to hold back this force
sensations playing a vivid game- in the chambers of my heart
sadness rolling in like the mighty tide
covering my cheeks- leaving my chin- falling down on dust
my chest huge in breathing pain- eating up my air
numb features of a soul astray
cry a little while longer
then- let it pass my way
It is time
Sadness- tears- unhappy faces
Hurt- pain- misery
view this picture- taking it all in
vision blurry- crawling on my knees
laughter- support- compassion
helping hand- those days in deep fog
loving words- from wounded hearts
words embracing your tired soul
fight- argue- mislead
fire burning- mouth of flames
hit punch kick
all put on a scale
what to see?
heavy weight in sadness and hurt
too much...
falling down
it is time to turn around
Listen!
the clear blue ocean water
the smooth sand beach
creating a soft gentle melody
meeting each other in the calm end of day
listen and feel the harmony
let your heart come alive
close your eyes in relaxation
all thoughts of sadness
may they slowly drown one by one
into the rotation of waters
Tears rolling
falling down one by one
increasing into little creeks
to become united on my shirt
wet sad stain like from heavy rain
emptying my reservoirs to lowest critical level
left is only a lonely silent numbness
Cold hand
chilly days
in a multitude of ways
clouds in darkest grey
rain in constant sad play
your once so warm gentle hand
now freezing cold- I don't understand
trust is down under my shoes
heart in a deep sad blues
Morning
sun is up- shining- not knowing
in my being sadness constantly growing
no use in pretending
this broken soul in need for mending
one day and one more
wandering around in my core
The Lying Truth
underneath there's a fire burning
deadly heat- cold refreshing water- colliding
behind smiles happy cheerful laughter
shadow of a human mind- caught by time
blood of flames- airways breathing- thick suffocating smoke
still no change- on face in light
see without seeing
an illusion fooling its viewer
smile- there is no smile!
smoky fog- can't you see it?!
cry- on inside hurting
now you know about the lying truth
revealed like dust removed from ancient item
though in reverse
Nature
can you see the water running wild
horses drinking its fury out of heavy thirst
do you feel the humid air filled with tiny little drops
covering your face- turning into healthy red
clouds wandering across the light blue sky
sun reflecting in river foam gathered tight together
leaves in motion on mighty trees
caught by winds from dusk to dawn
branches swaying- left- right- up- down
eagle wings high up in cloudy kingdom
power underneath feather arms
crying wolves howling in the distance
sensations taking over your being
because of this magnificent scenery
melody of tones in ear's theatre
Words
all alone in my mind
searching trying to find
my way out off this jail
again and again I do fail
your ears they hear my voice
leaves me without a choice
this loneliness surrounding me will remain
until you passionately call out my name
to be heard is not enough you see
my heart needs more to be set free
listen- with the mind of a lover
then soon you will discover
the secret behind words spoken
you talking- would be the purest love token
Would you?
one day in shadow land
in my pocket- my hand
no noticeable sound
not even dripping tears onto the ground
complete silence in hiding
without motion- sliding
would you miss me?
or even see
that empty spot - with no owner
sure not a loner
just invisible in the crowd
this heart in need to cry out loud
no- it is mute
hurting all the way to the root
No more!
empty- crying- in tears drowning
is this a life or just a vision of death
I hate my mind for spinning around
my heart too soft to stay safe inside
kill me with words cutting like a sharp sword
I surrender in an instant
because I can't take it anymore
unworthy crawling back to my misty cave
disappearing into the darkness of shadows
born... learned how to walk and talk
now... numbness all around
nothing
The cement mixer
around and around
sticky mess
water and sand
heavy and wet
grey like the fog
turning thick
around and around
will it ever end
around and around
done
build me a castle
no build me a bunker
cement is not meant for grace
hard
cold
not that fancy
once wet
waiting in that capsule
now- all numb
Where?
where did I go?
I wonder so!
once in a hurry to do this and that
now in a daze- growing all fat
the mirror- not a friend of mine
the reflection has no shine
gone is my laughter
I wonder what I'm after
the point in my day
wandering astray
Sleep
bed- here I come
to sleep at least some
tossing and turning
with obsessions burning
no- I will not give in
to let my thoughts win
not true
taken out of the blue
closing my eyes to sleep
go to bed you too- OCD- you creep!
I do not want you around
so stay there- flat on the ground
peace come inside
please do not hide
sleep is what I need
not unwanted thoughts in high speed
Dreamer
a tiny piece of me
to be set free
view the bright light
in starry night
fly away in the land of dreams
no fear no screams
singing a tune of love
in the mighty skies above
a moment in fantasy world
when happy thoughts swirled
wake up now you sleepy one
a new day has already begun
Embrace together
in eyes blinded by the darkness of misery
you found that single tiny spark
hiding to remain bright
wounds open...
bleeding red lines pouring down on my face
you gently took my hand in yours
warm sensation spread like fire in wind
saved by a loving soul
together growing day by day
embracing life in moments of light
Fading away…
fading flower
no more power
people around
can't stand their sound
eyes open to see
the sad creation of me
want to hide away
invisible stay
Dying inside...
Depression
I should be in bed
instead my mind I shred
lost in weakness and shame
am I myself to blame
ripping tearing apart
stepping on my own heart
depression hitting hard
lying there on the yard
Hit me!
wake me up from this place!
walking around in a sloooow pace
numb- walking only by mind's knowledge
behind me it is- my lost courage
hit me!
set me free
open my tired eyes
to see the heavens- where bird flies
help me please!
to find inner peace
wake me up from this silent nightmare
to see myself and care
Known stranger
light shining in a dark place
once seen and caught by eyes
trust building up in heart of faith
footsteps on narrow path of forgotten days
the dawn is here to show the way
fooled by shadows of the night
now awakened by sunlight
illusions once so strange to the puzzled eye
naked without mystery- revealed
Good night!
now when I go to bed
to rest my weary head
I think of those
I'm holding close
night is here to mend
refreshment into our tomorrow send
sleep with tears on pillow and sheet
close your eyes soon the sun is back to greet
a soul in need for comfort beams
to drown your sadness and screams
take my hand to walk this road
steady together- even under a heavy load
My hand
in the morning hours
my hand is empty
wait a little longer
soon it will carry contents
hold misery- yes tears
or maybe happiness in smiles
who knows what today will bring
to fill my bare hand
air becoming solid substance
through the sand of an hourglass
Healing
longing feeling inside
no place to hide
this deep sensation
playing with mind and heart
seeking for beauty with eager eyes
shivering nerves and muscles
love through tenderness
knowing a feature- a soul
connection in words
movements and looks
joy for human being
to wash away sorrow
throw away pain
forget the tears
the rain outside the window glass
surrender to love
in days of passion
Mr Teddy Bear Shrink
alone in fear
one long year
since he disappeared
the tall guy with a beard
gentle and kind
a man so rare to find
left all alone in wilderness
trying to deal with my inner stress
bit by bit he learned about me
to help me set free
lose this torment in my brain
to make me stay sane
secrets unrevealed
he kept hidden with lips sealed
blushing red roses on his cheeks
sometimes turned bleak
trust has never been my friend
he guided me- trying to mend
this broken soul in million pieces of doubt
a heart crying out with a loud shout
see me for who I am
don't shut that door- WHAM!
tomorrow it is time to meet again
the Teddy Bear lost back then
now back in my town
he will wear his fairytale crown
what will my mouth say after all this time in silence
in deep need for some guidance
not many hours from this future event
to tell him how this year was spent
Mr Teddy Bear Shrink
he's pretty cool- I think
My Corner in Time
trapped inside a dark cloud
no part of the crowd
clenched fist
in thick mist
anxiety rolling in
under my sensitive skin
creeping feeling in nerves and cells
agony along with misery- dwells
sitting still unable to move
what is there to prove?
that the fire is not to fear?
the coast is clear?
no- thoughts colliding over and over again
tell me- When is it safe to leave this den?
when I love- will I feel your hand in mine?
when I cry- will you dry the tears from my face line?
Go away!
this feeling of being dead
all days to dread
waking up to the first beams of light
not at all up for this new day to fight
with tired eyes in morning hour
I feel so out off power
can I run and hide?
put life aside?
bury all memories from history days?
to start all over in a slow pace?
time could be my friend
to help mend
alone inside this room I sit and stare
this hidden loneliness to bear
A Stranger To Myself
a face with scares
invisible traces of time
wounds bleeding
in the chambers of my heart
ears haunted by piercing sounds
neurons in a web created by illness
thoughts caught in an instant
to get stuck- tormenting my entire soul
black tears filling me up
pouring slowly down my cheek
turning my head to look behind
gone
Silent Voice
air is blowing
I feel like throwing
throwing in that famous towel
invisible in this thick fog searching
so be it!
without a shout
over and out
Untitled
crazy
lost in time
drowning in thoughts
numbness all over
anxiety huge as the mountain high
invisible is the image of me
sitting here unable to move
certainly not in a groove
listening to sad tunes
to swim in my sentimental ocean
not a good swimmer
more like a beginner
struggling to keep a float
long gone is that rescue boat
on my own in cold waters raging
wet from head to toe
The Woods In Wintertime
the wind starts to blow
sweeping away a layer of snow
ground is glittering in white
sun is spreading its light
to play with dancing shadows
over the waters- as the ice crystals together grows
forming ice- this thick coat
stuck is that old oak boat
resting nature in chilly days
sleeping in so many ways
trees without leaves so green
soil with no flowers to be seen
a season to even it all up
to empty this life's cup
then to let life get reborn
in the early spring morn
The limit
everything in a sticky mess
so now- I do confess
that life is NOT for me
how much harder can it be
no- I want to break free
no way out- you see
trapped in this torment
why- I didn't even pay it any rent
leave me alone to lick my wounds in pain
never to heal because I'm going insane
the limit reached in fading hour
gone is all my power
Forgotten
invisible like the air outside
transparent tears pouring down my face
where are you when my life is fading?
hollow words spoken is that what it is?!
I am down on the ground where are you?
my laughing mask is thrown away
my tormented eyes- are they too much for you?
friends in laughter and joy
through some sorrow too- but not in all
in the deepest pit- I am forgotten
Embrace
you think you know me- but you don't
you try to change me- but I won't
my words say more than the eye can see
they have a deeper meaning to me
search and you will find
the pieces of the puzzle- in my mind
no matter my intentions clear
I can't defeat what lives in here
a parasite never to leave
pure happiness hard to achieve
I try I try I try
you wonder why
why is she like this?
what did I miss?
listen to me with your ear
without judging me from what you hear
I am a human being just like you
not all that bad- to be true