The Illusion
see the teardrops on her face of despair
hear her breathing with no air
touch her bare skin
this shell with nothing within
talk to her ears lost in time
walk with her in crime
find the shattered pieces of her soul
take a peek inside of her empty black holes
who is she… this haunting illusion?
you sit and stare in deep confusion
4/1-09
Sad soul
want to yell and scream
can't find my way through this unpleasant dream
hitting me hard time after time to knock me down
making me surrender with my face in a tormented frown
tears pouring from eyes in pain
but who am I to complain?!
eating it all
feeling smaller than small
wanting to throw it up and spit it out
see what it is all about
but no - can't even seem to breathe the air
wounded back forced to feel the stiff cold wooden chair
no way to turn it all around
to embrace life's sound
4/1-09
The Beholders
life in a bottle of wine
swirling around in time
drunken emotions in chime
gone into another dimension
merged into the vivid sensation
mutation in love's creation
new dawn - today's rising sun
the morning hour has only just begun
take my hand and together we run
see the light through eyes of rain
heal them from all hurt in pain
walk along this sunshiny lane
warm and longing for the touch of you
eagerness filling me through and through
love's red to exchange the cold blue
our pathway of soft grass and glorious colours
leading us through the garden behind hedge borders
the resort of harmony and peace - we are the beholders
15/1-09
See me through
love will see me through
coming from you and you
confusion is filling my soul
still - love is playing the lead role
fooled by a vision untrue
stuck on you like glue
no - it is not real!
now is the time to feel
17/1-09
Struck!
Tears on my pillowcase
Lost in this saddened place
Thoughts running wild
All the way into my inner child
Sucking and eating the power of my life
No mercy - no help through this strife
Longing for the discovery of a brighter tomorrow
Instead of only a few faded rays of light to borrow
2/2-09
Take me away!
just take me away to another dimension
let me leave it all behind in a faded memory box
lift my head to see only light to shine upon me
would you please dry the tears falling down my face?!
hold me like I have never been held before!
if only I could drown in your arms to fight yet another day
inside of myself I wander this rocky road
help me feel without the hurt and torment!
my heart beats for you so why is it still silent?
the hidden joy - give it to the palm of my hand!
empty I stand before you in my transparent suit
nothing to see... nothing to view
just take me away to another dimension
3/2-09
Morning beauty
every new dawning I love you more and more
if I did not know you - my life would be poor
the stars would lose their glow
the flowers fade away on the meadow
if I did not hold you close
in admiration for you my precious rose
all colours would turn to grey
my heart would not know the way
every morning is a part of the future with you
to treasure and embrace our love so true
as I look into your eyes ocean blue
I see the depth I never knew
my hand in yours as we greet this day
emotions flowing like a stream of water along our pathway
smiling lips beneath the enchanting sunshiny sky
and we both know the reason why
11/2-09
Unknown news
seen for who I am
compassionate words of love
touched by the hand of gentleness
taken aside to the safe and warm
carried on shoulders of empathy
a soft stroke on my sad cheek
fragile yet calm in relaxation
fresh new paintings...
covering the walls of my heart
reborn creation in a new coat
changes - felt and lived
11/2-09
Heartbeat
with your head resting on my chest
listening to my hearts request
the sound of a beating drum
tah- dum tah- dum…
sensations running through
every part of you
touching you softly - holding you tight
creating harmony in love - this special night
12/2-09
In the evening hour
all these questions inside
from myself I cannot hide
pain into the very marrow of my bone
I feel all alone
did I laugh too loud?
do I fit in with the crowd?
anxiety high as a tower
sucking out all of my power
a lump in my throat
no rescue for this sinking boat
taking in water fast and hard
hurt and sadness impossible to disregard
why me?
I don't want to see!
alone in togetherness
as I have to confess
I would rather have let this evening pass by
this I will not deny
14/2-09
History book escape
to never know
how hard the wind will blow
to always expect the worse
is my life's haunting curse
if only you could hold me tight… so tight
to carry me through this cruel fight
with a torch in my hand
to take back what is mine - I demand
bring me a shield and a sharp sword
compose powerful music as my final reward
see me through the thick fog and mist
show me the light for my eyes not to resist
guide me on this path of valley grass
let all misery and pain pass
drown them in that water ditch
because it is time to switch
from bad to good
from a fragile sheet of paper to solid wood
stronger muscles in legs and back
lighter load in my backpack
21/2-09
Together we defeat
through your rough battles...
I will carry your shield to protect you from harm
together to celebrate every victory
joy and laughter echoing amongst the old strong trees
together
always together
yes always
our love is stronger than any border... ocean... language...
it overcomes it all
together we set sail out on unknown waters
the refreshing wind gently playing in our hair
heading out to sea to find the secrets behind the horizon
no battle field as far as the eye can see
just the air… salty water… birds high up in the sky
you and me
together
5/3-09
Unseen
in a life where people tend to not see
fail to show compassion to set free
you grew up in an unloving world of pretence
they all taught you how to put up a fence
still this protection was far from enough
you had to grow tough
hide your heart and soul to those around
be sure not to make a sound
inside your creation was in constant crying
due to all the hurtful lying
smothered by the touch of faked love
you reached out your hands to the sky above
alone walking in shoes worn out by time and pain
crying your invisible tears in the cold rain
you thought you were the one to blame
crawling around with your head hanging down in shame
mistreated from the very beginning
how could you ever be the one winning
well... the days are here for you to be seen
to learn about what love is really suppose to mean
gentleness in the caring arms of someone true
teaching you bit by bit... clue by clue
building a high strong tower brick by brick
a lighthouse guiding you through the fog so thick
hand in hand no longer alone
stepping on every slippery stone
when you fall I will lift you up to once again stand tall
no longer afraid or feeling small
I see YOU
11/3-09
How?
eyes revealing the pain of the heart and mind
searching all the answers to find
voice weak and unsteady
sleep has fled already
worried deep into the very centre
shutting out all the light trying to enter
disillusioned thoughts all around
distorted the surrounding sound
how do you reach a soul in despair -
smothered gasping for air?
how do you release a human being -
show her compassion so freeing?
how do you build a fortress to protect -
when you only have your bare hands imperfect?
16/3-09
The phone call…
tears on the phone
all alone
scared and confused
body by memories bruised
lost in despair
gasping for air
breathing far too fast
how long will this last?!
car by the side of the road
in silent mode
world outside the window is closing in
fear and anxiety underneath the skin
------------------------
ears listening to the weak voice
sounds of crying and traffic creating disturbing noise
far far away unable to reach out a hand
painful is the knowledge - yes incredibly hard to stand
can't do a lot
heart in a tight knot
waiting waiting... wrapped up in a gray heavy cloud
wishing I could scream out loud
-----------------------
leave and let go
the answer is: no
on your own...
still not alone
continue this day
and those following in its way
believe in the things you cannot see
the future set out to free
24/3-09
Untitled
your internal pain
in every drop of blood in your veins
cold and merciless
causing deep distress
your voice in need to be heard
crying eyes and vision blurred
when you hear the wind blow
look out through your window
the air is fresh and the sun is out
so let it out - scream and shout
search and you will find
the one left behind
let me walk beside you through out the day
at night time - into your dreams - I will find my way
guard you heart in the haunting darkness
hold your hand in mine when you feel anxious
whisper words of faith into your ear
to push away the fear
one day you will be free
just to be
so fight a while longer
as you grow stronger and stronger
you will be tomorrow's beholder
gone is the heavy load on your shoulder
30/3-09
Take it!
yes I am weak
maybe even a freak
step on me now
make me bow
take what is left
the final theft
pin me to the ground
to not make a sound
cause I am not me
no chance to be free
pull out my hair
leave me in the despair already there
see with your eyes
right through the lies
invisible to man
a human being to ban
22/4-09
Driftwood
who is there?
behind the name
who is there?
walking in shame
the face is it real?
the heart will it heal?
how will it continue?
how will it pursue?
in a life unknown to the soul
in days walking on hot coal
defeated by intrusive thinking
repeated until the final sinking
drowning in old tears
frowning in remembrance of fears
say no more
feel it into the core
misunderstood
floating away
driftwood
1/5-09
Silencium
without a single sound
you push me down onto the cold ground
a thick fog of silence filling the air
no mercy... you declare
friendship found and lost
pride is ruling... at all cost
voices reconciling singing a song of unison
how can I alone make that decision...?
I cannot
so here I sit on this frustrated spot
just to see you turn around and walk the other way
there is nothing... no... nothing more to say
5/5-09
Fading into silence
a loud scream of despair
cutting through the heavy air
the voice of a shrunken soul
deep pure pain playing the lead role
fading without resistance
the sound disappearing in the distance
speak no more...
throat sore
silence embedding this creation
in an invisible manifestation
18/5-09
Held by love
crawling on the dirty ground
with a voice giving no sound
still your love holds me here
wanders with me through my fear
22/5-09
Different sides of the story
one wintry chilly night
two sunshiny days in might
cold bitter winds blowing
the gentle breeze growing
a face freezing to ice
cheeks caressed by the sunrise
one heart crying in misery absolute
beating warm calm blood - life's root
a foot stepping on burning coal
dipping toes in the summer lake's bowl
hands shivering in pockets tight
fingers touching dew on a flower's delight
28/5-09
Last night
the darkness has fallen
the moon is half
no wind is blowing
trees are still
leaves are silent
the air is warm in calmness
I breathe it all in
embrace it to soothe my soul
1/6-09
Heavy rain
the heavy mercury rain
has returned again
drops of metal
pure murder to the flower petal
perforating the textile roof
destroying all proof
colours to fade in an instant
as the silvery cloud turns resistant
drowning layer of thick liquid
leaving the sky jaded
5/8-09
The Pot
hmmm... why is it so?
making the anxiety grow
if only I could
still... I wonder if I would
lost and searching my way
fragile pot made of clay
struck by time and grief
longing for eternal relief
bits and pieces to pick
stomach twisting and turning sick
only echoes of emptiness
as I undress
exposed air in a pot
does not really mean a lot
imploding... no time to shout
merciless wipe-out
19/8-09
Due to unfair feelings of guilt
sometimes life is way too cruel
not playing by any loving rule
those gentle and sensitive
end up with nothing more to give
sucked out all their power
once upon a time a precious flower
now fading away much too fast
because of memories from the past
as the ones being left behind
they sit frozen in sorrow and confusion combined
30/8-09
Destroyed
magic wand
cut the bond
can't you see
leave me be
power drain
drive insane
hit and run
dark sun
had enough
handcuff
7/9-09
Embracing colours
the golden carriage carries me home
strong arms of love embrace my soul
lost in the wilderness I feel no fear
in our world there is no solitude
my ears knows them well
the sounds of your gentle footsteps
darkness might fall much too fast
I reach out and search for your hand
skin to skin… fingers intertwined
the rays of light roams in our hearts
black and white turns into sparkling colours
the rainbow high in the sky gave them to us
reflecting onto the waves of love
slowly caressing the ocean wide
12/9-09
Too much pressure!
vintage pressure cooker
water and beans
garlic and bay leaf
thyme or oregano
lid on!
heat and pressure
pressure and heat
more
more
more
to the core
even more
BOOM!
////////////
///////////
pieces of metal in the air
no more pressure there
pressure cooker's bad mood
gone is all the food
gone
gone
gone
15/9-09
In vain
with tears in my blue eyes
no one to hear my smothered cries
lonely I sit in the faded light
as sadness wells over me in cruel delight
breathing anxiety with a tight chest
patience put to a merciless test
longing for a gentle touch upon my hand
arms around my waist in The Soothing land
dreamy thoughts rules my mind
escaping... - once again caught blind
25/9-09
The Drive
the highway
is not my way
my fears pitch black
no turning back
wheels floating like on air
I try to steer in despair
the wide angle is closing in
is there even a chance to win
get back home in one piece
or end up in a pool of burning fuel and grease
no real control over this wobbly car of steel
fingers holding on tight to the steering wheel
5/10-09
Cupped hands
as daylight fades away into the tunnel darkness
and life is seen in a different light
I wake up to see glittering stars and a shining moon
night time is here to hold me tight in its strong arms
I see things I did not see before
hear the things hidden in a day of noise
the portal of my heart with iron lock and a missing key
you are the one to open this gate - with words of a gentle kind
to find chambers filled with dreams and hope
love and passion in a river running wild
you cup your hands to have and to hold
my dear - drink it with thirst to ease your sadness
united in the hours when others sleep
our fingers intertwined beneath a moonlit sky
13/10-09
All over the place
illusion and a hasty conclusion
a vision not to be seen
eyes staring at a computer screen
impression and a crazy dream
a transformation of light
tossing and turning through out the night
distraction and a losing battle
a warrior drowning in sorrow
broken is his last arrow
relaxation and a crescendo
a combination without control
scattered fractions in a split role
14/10-09
….The End….
a sad life story
far from glory
send me down
take off my crown
lead me through the door
to feel no more
16/10-09
Autumn soul
cry but shed no tear
laugh at the haunting fear
run but wander in peace
every moment to seize
love but may your heart be still
warmth descending in autumn chill
live but breathe no more
recall fled days from before
lift your vision to view
bright rays of light shining through
17/10-09
The Book of Days
an empty book with pages blank
a pen to write upon paper white
exciting future in days of joy
new life with inspiring goals
a sunrise bright and clear
a breeze over Summer Cloud Bay
fresh hours of a day in sun
smiling faces to lead the way
a book with words gone missing
a pen broken beyond repair
unpredictable events around next corner
faded colours in shades of black
a morning rainy and gray
a furious storm whipping the ocean wild
destructive times in hail
crying eyes to drown the soul
24/10-09
River wild
a wild raging river of thoughts
faster and faster towards disaster
hitting rocks and bottom gravel
traffic jam as they all crash into the trees
wounded neurons in bleeding state
furiously moving on in rapid speed
undercurrents mercilessly dragging down
still the destination is set out and clear
forced out into the deep wide ocean
disappearing in the great waters
losing sense and mind as they both drown
4/11-09
Backdraft
my inner song has lost its tone
nothing left but a smothered moan
anxiety digging a deep hole into my chest
leaving me lost with no chance to rest
my airways collapsing tight and tense
no turning back when nothing makes any sense
eyes moving from side to side
trying to find the door to escape this tide
a defeating fire waiting to eat through my mind
want to open my mouth to scream and leave it all behind
would cause a furious backdraft… and then?!...
burning flames thrown in my face all over again
6/11-09
The Waves of Love
precious love deep as the ocean wide
through the high and lows of the tide
as the sun rises in the early morn
the moon shows its face after the afternoon storm
many a time love holds it all together
to ride upon waves of foul weather
the sea reunites with the safe shore
natures way to love and adore
10/11-09
Fragile
sometimes eyes fail to see what lies within
the invisible tears dripping from a trembling chin
a soul crying with no place to go
staring silently through a broken window
distorted images of a landscape in grief
autumn rain covering every leaf
nature's time to be put to rest
a heart beating inside of a tight chest
as the flowers fade away to die one by one
weeping rays of a worn out summer sun
10/11-09
H1n1
the swine flu
is out to get you
hit you fast as lightning
quite frightening
symptoms clear
people fear
you cannot hide away
it is here to stay
protection cure
body to endure
today a threat
not better yet
human need
news feed
Earth will still stand
under our creator's hand
future bright ahead
nothing more to dread
11/11-09
Eternal dream
soothingly whispering into my ear
the words of passion I need to hear
imaginary pictures of love and dance
dreams embraced at every chance
hand in hand let us fly
across the sun drenched sky
rest our heads upon soft white cotton clouds
two souls outside of the human crowds
refreshing crisp air to rejuvenate
majestic scenarios to await
gliding along the most glorious rainbow
reflecting spectra with an enchanting glow
all life's sorrow disappearing in the distance
leaving an internal room of peaceful silence
come - let our journey last for all eternity
dive into the universe so beautiful and mighty
at night when the darkness wears its crown
all the stars around us creating a glistening gown
the moon spreading its wide halo of light
a vision haunting to the eye's delight
when the morning is here to take us home
in tormenting sadness I will feel all alone
oh dreams - please do not wait too long
return to sing to me your midnight song
11/11-09
Slavery
tears in a never ending river
I sit here and shiver
once a fighter brave
now a life's slave
get me out of here
away from all the fear
13/11-09
The constant rerun of a day in pain
so now I will tell you
what it is like to walk in my shoe
with blisters and bleeding feet
a new but still old day to meet
always the same you see
trapped with no key
locked up in a sound proof prison cell
does not matter how hard I yell
concrete walls surrounding my pathetic creation
thick darkness provides no revelation
you know it is all wrong
a complete disaster made out of a sad song
once upon a time a candle was burning
now it is only a series of nights with tossing and turning
my own flesh and blood in deep turmoil
all I ever try leaves me crawling in the dirty soil
love is not enough this time
so where is that supposed life's chime
as I go to bed far too late
I dread the tomorrow with another overloaded plate
if only tranquility was my beloved friend
then I would sleep in calmness until the night's end
drained I force my body to stand up and go downstairs
ready to dig into today's unwanted affairs
a haunting rerun known to my reluctant mind
playing once again after a repeated reverse and rewind
stop the tape!
let me escape!
is it really too much to ask?
...in silence I continue with the next task
19/11-09
The Unbreakable Bond
invisibly touching like the wind kissing the clouds
a sunrise in hiding seen only by those who believe
ocean waves crashing against the rocky shore
wild and passionately forcing only to once again return to the sea
an encounter lasting yet a split moment in time
foul weather fading the hope of a final unition
they meet... and they part
nature's power will not be defeated
they meet... and they part
united for eternity
8/12-09
Status: Blank
white paper
no ink
or fingerprints
silent transparency
still on the table
hours become days
nothing
empty
but completely full
brain in static mode
automatically beating heart
mechanical living
9/12-09
Thrown out to space
where is life's delight?
I give up this fight!
slapped in the face
thrown out to space
in this black hole I now live
with nothing more to give
darkness all around
feet never to touch the ground
empty without light and shining stars
waiting with a mind carrying scars
sucked into a circle of uncertainty
unable to return to the laws of gravity
14/12-09
Escape in numbness
close my ears
plug them not to hear
can't stand the every day noise
cover my eyes
blind them not to see
can't endure the gray in colours
block my aorta
seal the chambers to emptiness
can't fight with a bleeding heart
26/12-09
Poetry 2009
Copyright © N.M.
